My Boys.

I am so in love with these guys, it's ridikulus.

Tickets go on sale Saturday at 10am. GET THEM NOW!!!

Hunk O'The Month!

July's Hunk O'The Month will be your favourite commenter. Who gets you riled up? Who do you love hearing from? Any secret crushes?
Totally feel free to lobby for your Hunk in the Opinion section...

DNA.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

http://friends.imagini.net/@256885-68b0

Now go picture your own...

Fairy Tales-

Who was your favourite Fairy Tale Princess growing up?

Who was your favourite Superhero?

Tell me and I'll tell you what it all means for you...Confucius-style, yo.

Signs.

That's it. I'm convinced! The End Is Near!
Signs of the Apocalypse:

• She-who-shall-not-be-named was released from prison. I didn't even have time to miss her!
• Both Lindsey and Bree's cars got hit in parking lots.
• KR had a cockroach go up her arm...This is what you get for doing a good deed.
• Katie is stuck in Wisconsin/Chicago- STILL. Could this be any worse?
• Delta f*d me up the @ by sending an eticket for JANUARY instead of JULY, so now I'm paying an extra $100+ in fees and flight changes for a trip to Salt Lake. (Those of you who are getting married 7/7/07, you're totally worth it, but you may want to consider a witch doctor's protection...Just in case.)

Hunk O'The Month!

It's that time again...

Time to nominate July's Hunk O'The Month!

We have some great men who participate on Blogg and have become great contributors that I know I look forward to hearing from...Which one do you like best? Tell us why? Is he hilarious? Intellectually stimulating? Does he make you furious, but make the conversations more interesting? Who should we celebrate on our month of Independence?!?

Nominate him in the Opinions! section. Tell us who you want and why you like his comments. Winner at each month's end will be posted, adored and fawned over on Blogg.
Aaaand- GO.

Last month's Hunk O'The Month: Dane-in-a-band.

This is an ongoing feature, so check back and add your nomiations frequently! We'll begin voting when some real contenders emerge!

Malibu Stacy!

Camping in Malibu was fantastic. First of all, I got to wake up sandwiched between this:

Which apparently didn't help much in keeping me warm, because in a matter of hours I just ended up like this:

While everyone else was like this:
But luckily I was awake to run into the ocean after a bunch of dolphins. I didn't catch any.



My friends are amazing. Not only did they surf for hours, but later on they did this:

And after about 72 catnaps and 16 meals later, I had enough energy to hike this:
to the most amazing ruins (built in 1952, but burned down in 1987):

I know I said staying home Friday nights to watch Law & Order reruns and painting my nails is one of my favourite things to do now, but I think Camping in Malibu will have to move higher up on the list...

Girl Talk.

I know I poke fun at the gents quite a bit- everyone knows a good manboy story makes for good literature- but may I address the ladies of this world for a moment?

Can you all just shut up?

I mean, seriously. Do you really think anyone cares about the history of your hair colour, the 5 lbs of fluctuation that's undetectable to the rest of the world, or that guy who doesn't know you like him because you've never bothered to talk to him? Do you think you're impressing anyone by "talk(ing) about people you don't even know and talk(ing) about places that you don't even go?" It makes you look like a braggart and an idiot. Even worse- it makes you boring. (Cardinal sin.)

Recently some friends went on a trip where they could have made a few new friends...But one girl just could not stop talking about herself! Between her implants, fake tan, terrible attitude, whining, the ridiculous amount of references to posh places she obviously had never attended and people she obviously was not close friends with; no one was interested in getting to know her. I felt a little sad for this girl; clearly she needed attention and didn't feel she would get it on her own accord. But does she really have to broadcast her low self-esteem on the airwaves when the very appearance of her made it obvious? Honestly! Gossip is dangerous, damaging, and desperate. We'd like to pretend it's sensational, but- let's be real here- if I don't know them, why do I want to hear about their personal business?
I grew up with Run DMC on our family boom box. This song always hit a chord with me then because I felt it was a lesson to be learned on how NOT to be annoying. Hearing it again, now, I love the wisdom in not just the words, but the message. Talking in order to boast of oneself or to create drama or sensation by using other people's lives is selfish and damaging. It makes what you have to say empty noise full of useless words. And it's kind of disgusting, piggish behavior that only self-indulgent yuppies participate in.

So next time you talk to someone and you feel like you're not getting a response from them- don't panic and fill the air with sounds of your own voice. Ask THEM a question. Encourage THEM to talk. What's truly brilliant is that they suddenly find YOU interesting! And you'll come off looking wicked smart because you didn't actually have to think of anything to talk about- you can just throw the ball in their court to whatever topic you're interested in. Then your talking becomes more than merely idle chat. It becomes a conversation. And THAT is how you begin relationships where someone might actually care about what you have to say.

Better to be silent and appear the fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Prison Break.

At what point does "being too picky" become worse than lowering your standards? My friend was recently asked out by a coworker. Mildly attractive, 40's (over 10 years her senior), he is a janitor, possibly not divorced yet, with an autistic child, who lives with roommates. He also got jumped by a couple of guys and so has a bit of facial bruising and abrasions to add to the sadness of his older-man-charming appearance. The extent of their conversations have been maybe once a week, consisting of maybe one sentence exchanges. This week, he walked into her office, asked if she was dating anyone, and promptly requested her phone number and invited her to dinner. A bit stunned, she agreed. And immediately felt sick afterward.

She thought it was good to accept the invitation, since she had, after all, resolved to stop pre-qualifying dates and disqualifying potential suitors simply because his demographics might not initially appeal to her. This, however, was a bit of a curve ball. She felt particularly bad about knowing that he might not actually be divorced. After another coworker discouraged her date, and several hours of nausea at what she had agreed to, she worked up the courage to call him, leaving a message that said:
Thank you for the invitation. I have decided it's best not to get involved with someone I work with, but I appreciate your thought. Have a great summer.
Hours later, he called back:
Wow. You really shot me down, didn't you? That was harsh. Look, all I was looking for was a friend. I could really use a friend right now. I just wanted to go to dinner, okay? Call me so we can talk about this.
ummm....Confusion. At first her heart went out to the man in this story. He might be going through a rough patch. He could use a friend. Was she jumping the gun in assuming he was interested in more than dinner? But then she remembered. Didn't she just tell him she wasn't interested and politely and clearly convey the message that didn't want to go out with him? What more is there to discuss with someone whose message is longer than any conversation she's ever had with him? Her mind races- is he manipulating her? Isn't the very questioning of her decision inconsiderate on his part? Isn't this very call of his proving he does not respect her feelings or her decision? But, wait...it's just dinner, and maybe he does need a friend now- isn't he going through a divorce? Is she being thoughtless? Selfish? Elitist? Rude? TOO PICKY???
Another friend of mine decided to vacation in Seattle for a month. She found a great little apartment to sublet, a rental car, and her very first weekend there, met a cute, friendly man at church. He had a lot of free time and constantly invited her out on tours of the city, which was exactly what she'd been wanting to do with her vacation. At times, he did things that seemed a little juvenile, and she felt a little too mature around him. She didn't want to blow him off, since he had become such an attentive date. But a few weeks later, he revealed that he had just been released from 10 years in prison, where he had been since he was 18. Okay. So he grew up in prison. He was certainly a nice guy now. If she stopped seeing him at this point, was that judgemental of her? Upon leaving Seattle, she considered if it would be worth the effort a long-distance relationship.

So, at what point do we consider eliminating who we date as being wise and realistic, verses judgemental or picky? If we lower our expectations, are we automatically lowering our standards? Why are we so concerned with what other people may think of our decisions? How is it that ordering pizza is fine with us, until someone asks if we're really going to eat the whole thing on our own? Or that saying someone who is less educated or less mature than you can still make you feel guilty for not dating him/her just because they happen to find YOU attractive? How is it we allow guilt to play such a big part in what we find acceptable behavior, when the choices we make for ourselves should be our own?

Here's what I think. I think it's a fine line between "being open-minded" and "ignoring your own instincts." I think the better you know yourself and what you need and what you can honestly accept, the less guilty you'll feel about allowing people- any sort of people- into your life. Because the last thing you want for anyone is to invite someone who doesn't respect your boundaries to become the one in charge of them.

Private Call-

Can you please stop calling me? Honestly. You're worse than Anonymous. Two more calls- on a SATURDAY...Trust me, honey, unless your boyfriend is this guy, he's not worth this kind of paranoia. And even then, I'm pretty positive he's not the one calling me.
If this is your girlfriend, you should probably just end things and escape with your life. But before you do, will you PLEASE ask her to STOP CALLING ME?!?!
Thank you.

Woman Of the Week:

It's time to nominate your Woman of the Week!
Who stood out to you this week? Who made an effort to make someone else feel good? Who did something that made you admire her just a little bit more? That made you appreciate her in your life? Or made you proud to know her?
Nominate her for Woman of the Week, and let's prove that women are being noticed not just for what they look like, but for what they're actually out there doing.

*Not only is Aubrey Woman of the Week, she is also outrageously photogenic and has a body that just won't quit.

Rental!

I am so glad I never saw this in the theatre. If I had, I'd probably had to excuse myself for gagging to death. But as a rental with three of my hilarious roommates commenting all the way through- this movie is an experience. Not one I'm saying you should go out of your way to HAVE, or anything, but definately one that may give you sideaches from laughing. And maybe one that will inspire you to decorate your room with Ashton pictures. And maybe it would be good for drinking games at how many times you can have slow-mo frames, or how many parallels they try and draw out so the movie appears to have depth, or how many times the movie can end but still keep on going. Finally, I recommend you place bets on who's going to die, since it is inevitable.

Something to make up for the pain:Also: Ashton has webbed toes on his left foot. I find that unsettling. But I'll bet that explains why he is so darned good in this movie!

What's the Frequency, Kenneth?

I recently commented to a friend (and also to Blogg) that dating frequency often determines the intensity and interest level of a relationship. If someone's seeing me a few times a week, and we spend our weekends together, I figure he's probably interested. If he's only asking me out every few weeks, I call that "going out with my friend to catch up," or "something to do because we don't have anything else going on." But I certainly wouldn't classify it as "dating" or a relationship. And if it's less frequent contact than that, I'm sorry, Sister. He either is just trying to randomly hit that or you are incredibly low on his totem pole of priorities and interests (riiight below stamp collecting). It's this lack of frequency and intensity that suggest to me that you probably shouldn't hold out hope for him anymore.

However, a friend recently said perhaps it is MY thought process that is flawed. (Impossible!) That the frequency which I have become accustomed to is too intense. (What? Me???) Now, I'm no Mr Science, but I find that "chemistry" makes a relationship with someone practically unavoidable, and it's only the few times where I've had such chemistry that I really found myself willing to be in a relationship. But she thinks the openness and immediate depth and connection I consider "chemistry" isn't necessarily healthy. Which will be tragic, since it's that chemistry I rely upon to determine if I'm going to bother spending time with anyone. Not necessarily a physical/sexual chemistry we so commonly label it as, but that connection you feel where you want to know everything they know, and learn about everything they think, and where you can't NOT be with each other, because they become the only person you really want to be around anyway. Where it sets you on fire and inspires you just by understanding their point of view. It's rare, but it's amazing- to meet someone who is a kindred spirit; whose experiences seem to make yours make sense...oops. Was that me being too intense again? Well, if it helps, I find that same kind of connection with my best girl-friends, as well. Let's face it. I have brilliant people in my life.

So maybe I shouldn't ditch out on someone if he only asks me out once a month and there isn't that immediate connection and melding of the minds. It's just that I've heard it said many times that, in Man World, there IS no such thing as "too busy," IF he's actually interested. And I've never been one to "make" a relationship happen. In fact, I believe that much of the turmoil singles report is based upon wishing you could plug someone into your life, and when s/he turns out not to be "the one," rather than feel relief that you haven't hitched your wagon to someone who didn't care enough about you, you're feeling frustrated and upset at a would be "failure."

But if we were really connected, wouldn't we make time for each other? Wouldn't we put forth more effort to prioritize our relationships, IF it were one where there was chemistry and a mutual bond? Wouldn't life be easier if we just accepted one another's friendships a little more readily, but only considered relationships the ones that are chemically unavaidable unions? It seems to me that if he's not putting getting to know me first, that there isn't really a whole lot of a foundation to begin a relationship with anyway, because he was never really that interested to begin with.

Anonymous-

This is for you:

Did anyone else find the idea of Paula Abdul having a cat for a lover utterly disturbing and bizarre? I don't care if he's a hip-hop cat that wears sunglasses at night and smokes cigarettes and knows how to tap dance. It's still just weird. I guess if we had paid more attention back then, it wouldn't be such news now that she is buck-crazy.

Haters.

Wow. This is getting personal.

In response to my "let it go" method of ending relationships (or, rather, simply ALLOWING them to end quietly and with as little collateral as possible), someone wrote this comment:

Farrah's view of backing off and not talking about ending a relationship is just flat out wrong. Farrah's view on "break-ups" is focused on avoidance of communication.... Having been on both sides (avoiding and talking straight up about breaking up), I prefer to talk about it. It may seem like backing off is the easy way out....but what that often ends up doing is pissing me off, the other person off, more gossip, and even more stress than just a frank talk about it. The easy way out often ends up hurting the reputation the one who is perceived to have stopped communicating with the other person. Basically, the person that does that is an asshole. So I guess if you want to be an asshole you can follow Farrah's advice....
-Anonymous

Okay fine. The gloves are off, you indignant hater. Why don't you go ahead and use my name some more? geez...
What I am suggesting is not merely skulking off into the shadows as if in shame. I have done nothing wrong. In fact, in all honesty, I can say (and any man I've been with will agree) I am more than generous in a relationship and incredibly conscious of their feelings. It is because of this level of consideration that I feel- when the relationship wanes and the end is inevitable*- it's best to allow the end to happen peacefully. Gently. Without creating drama or bitterness.**

I don't want to tell someone I care about all the reasons why I won't be with him for the long haul. I won't pick apart someones past behavior just because I feel it wasn't up to MY standards. He was great- otherwise I wouldn't have dated him. I refuse to ever say things I don't mean, or push someone into a corner where they are forced to say things they don't mean to me. Whether they be confrontational OR kind. When you recognize that you don't really align well with someone, isn't it better to simply acknowledge that you aren't compatible and exit politely without causing a ruckus? What can I say? I don't like talking about something unless there is a point to it. And if neither of you is really going to invest the energy it requires to make a relationship work, what more is there to discuss? I can accept him for his life choices, and he will have to accept that I'm not going to change my lifestyle to suit his.

Trust me. The men I've dated- they know I cared. They know I was good to them. I always am. But if someone either chooses to disrespect me or simply does not meet my level of expectations on his own, that is the time where we need to just accept the truth: This relationship simply will not work. And neither of us is going to try and change that. So why not just let it go? Because if you're looking for a grand finale, that's likely all it will be: A show.

I prefer to remember what was real in our relationship. Real caring. Real appreciation. Real value for another human life. I don't need someone to put me down gently, or give me hope, or give me guilt. I'm sure he feels the same. Now, the women participating on Blogg have been quite vocal, and they've said much of what I expected they would. I'm interested to know how men see things going down. You can post anonymously if you'd prefer. I just want The Truth.

So let me ask you this:
MEN- would you rather have someone end things clean and neat, or simply walk away when you can both tell it's over? Is it more considerate to simply accept the end of something, or better to hash it out? Am I, as Anonymous says, "an @hole," or are you grateful for my kindness? Do MEN bring up the break-up talk without some prompting? Am I right to think you're just going to say whatever it takes to not make me cry? How would you prefer things go down when the ship is slowly sinking? Better yet- What do YOU do?

*Disclaimer:
Notice I refer to these as "dating relationships." Not TRUE LOVE. Not long-term. If you love someone and you are prepared to accept them, warts and all, GO FOR IT. Fight the good fight and enjoy your mutual appreciation for one another! And GOOD FOR YOU- because it's certainly more than I've ever wanted to do for someone...
**For the record, I have never dated anyone with a gossip problem...Thankfully, while we may not have been compatible for the long-haul, every guy I've ever dated is 100% respectful of who I am and what I stand for, and the feeling is mutual.
Also for the record: I don't date much.

YOU MUST!!

I just got the following email:

YOU MUST!!
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=Dresses&product%5Fid=2039625972&Page=all

The thing is- I REMEMBER THIS EPISODE.

It's the one where Farrah goes undercover as a gambler with a bad habit in order to entrap a con-man. The dress was this exact colour and she wore a giant flower in her hair.

BRILLIANT.

Thanks for thinking of me, Joolia.

Duo.

It's totally true. I dig lonely guys.
I was going to save this to post for weekend viewing, but then I thought some of the gents might want to review several times and take notes in order to prepare for date night.
Favourite Lyrics?
"You're so beautiful, you could be a high-class prostitute. Or a part time model."
"You're so beautiful, definitely the top 3 in the room. In the Whole. Wide. Room."
"I did all my moves...I walked around the outside of her..."
"You can say anything to me; I won't think you're a pervert."
"You know what I really want is an Australian..."
"I'm not crying, I'm just cutting some onions. I'm making a lasagna."
BINARY SOLO!

Easy Out.

I've never broken up with anyone. And no one's ever really broken up with me. No- I'm not indefinitely dating everyone I've ever gone out with...I just never bother to define anything to begin with. That way, when it's over, we can both go quietly to our separate ways and appreciate what we had without causing a fuss. I call it, "the easy out." When one of you eventually realizes that things will not progress beyond a certain point, that individual naturally backs things down, dials the relationship back, and begins to pull away. Sometimes that person is me. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, there is an inevitable pull that creates distance; a distance that you must choose to either fight in order to stay together, or let it go and allow the relationship to dissipate into the thin air from whence it came.

When the distancing begins, the calls become less frequent, the time becomes less intense, and the contact feels less important. If he is the one to pull back from me, I figure it's message enough that he's just not into it. And quite frankly, I'm not interested in convincing someone to work harder in order to be with me. So I let him go and call it a good run. Conversely, when I'm the one pulling away, and he doesn't argue it, I figure it's letting him off the hook easy. He doesn't have to feel the awkwardness of me explaining that I don't feel as strongly for him as he does for me, he doesn't need to witness my tears or emotional ramblings, and neither of us has to come up with excuses to make one another feel better when we know that, ultimately, we won't have much more to say than the bottom line: This relationship is over.

Some would call not breaking up the chicken$#!% way out. I figure quietly disappearing just makes ending things easier on both of us. Don't get me wrong...if someone really felt the need to discuss the end of our relationship, I'd be willing to take the time to end it all cordially. But isn't the mere virtue that someone isn't fighting to keep the relationship together telling enough? If it were a relationship worth salvaging, I would assume that both parties involved would pull equally hard toward each other in order to stay together. I mean, isn't that the only way people do work out? When they both fight equally hard to keep it together? But that leads us into the concept of "closure"- another term I don't put any faith in. But that's a whole 'nother post altogether...

That seems to me the only discussion worth having: one where you decide to work harder to keep it all together. If you have to have a talk in order to end things, well- everything you need to know about the state of your relationship is probably already understood, and then it becomes merely stating the obvious in a likely less-than-honest way, which is, "I guess I don't like you as much as I thought I would." So no matter what, that relationship is already over, or, in the words of Jack Handy, "If you drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget 'em, 'coz, man, they're gone." Of course, if it makes you feel better, you can recall the ancient Chinese proverb, "If you love something very much, let it go free. If it does not come back, it was never meant to be; if it returns, love it forever."

ps- No, I haven't broken up with anyone...obviously. I just realized a lot of these posts lately are related to break-ups. There are a lot of them going on right now, but these posts aren't about anyone in particular. This just happens to be a topic that seems heavy on everyone's lips...and you do know how I love controversy to get y'all talking. I'm sure we'll move on to something else soon- feel free to offer up your suggestions.

T-Mobile is NOT your friend.

I'm not even kidding you. This is my friend's cell phone bill. SERIOUSLY.

iPod would never do something like this to me. NEVER.
To my new friends, Rachel and Nikki, in Corona del Mar- GET A NEW CELL SERVICE IMMEDIATELY! T-Mobile is NOT your friend.

I Want MORE:

Because your vote matters, and because you know I loooove opinions!
We'll let this go through this weekend so I get a good headcount...Vote as many times as you like- let's make sure you get what you want. Additional suggestions are welcome in the comment section!

Something Better!

I used to have a crush on Rolf. Loyal. Simple. Kind. And musical. Of course, he was also a dog...That is so telling.
"That's why I live alone...I finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk, and go to bed." -Rolf.
Is anyone else loving that The Muppets were indoctrinating such great attitudes and life-lessons to us? I'm wondering what other lessons were out there beyond "The Letter Z."

Thanks for the tip, Seymour!

Insomnia.

This morning I recieved the following email from Joybean:

I would just like you to know that I am now a legal ordained minister. I got bored at 2 in the morning and went online and became a Reverend. So if you know anyone who wants to get married or whatever, I can do that! Ha!

Anyone desiring to join the rankings can go to: www.ordainmenow.org
Heck, let's ALL get ordained and ALL just marry each other! ...At Jen's BBQ!!! THAT would be a Sunday to remember!

Breakups Suck.

Well. They do.
But ultimately, they are really empowering. How do I know this? Because long, long ago, I discovered this song, and it altered my perception on breaking up FOREVER.

http://www.ifilm.com/video/2790939

And for those of you who don't watch videos, it's a duet:

I need a little time
To think it over I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom I need a little...

Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it?
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it?
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone I need a little...

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you?
Lips that promise - fear the worst
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst
Just into unjust

I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little...

You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn't you, didn't you?
While you had yours
Do you think I had none?
Do you, do you?
The Freedom that you wanted back
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time

I'm actually a huge proponant of breaking up, because I figure that I don't want to be with someone who has lukewarm feelings about me anyway. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Convince them that I'm awesome? meh. Not really my style. Harangue them into progressing in a relationship that they clearly don't think is worth the effort? Please. Sounds like too much work. I figure if someone isn't stoked enough on being with me to BE WITH ME, why worry about keeping them around? We'll both be better off alone.

Point being, that if someone chooses to put you off after they've already been with you, the real question becomes not "will they take me back?" but "will I want them back after they treated me like old, smelly cheese?" The answer, my friends, is NO. You do not want them back. They knew how good you were when they had you the first time. If they can't deal with that, they don't deserve you the second time.

If you ever break up with someone, I will most definately give you this album and make you listen to the above song carefully. In addition to The Beautiful South's "A Little Time," on The Breakup playlist:

* I will Survive- Gloria Gaynor. A classic.
* Anything but Down and My Favourite Mistake- Sheryl Crowe. That woman has been through some bad relationships. I'm pretty positive "Down" must be about Clapton, but I like to think "Mistake" was about Owen Wilson. *sigh.* They can't all be gems.
* You Had Me- Joss Stone. "Hey, Mister, you'll be missing/out on my love and my kissing/Make your mistakes on your own time/...I don't want you here/messing with my mind."
* Girlfriend- The Beautiful South (originally by Pebbles. Yeah. Outstanding cover. Especially when sung by five men.)

Add to this playlist and we'll have one heck of a good time after you ditch your next loser. Especially if your name is Jake.
I also hope this helps out the harpie who thinks I'm sleeping with her boyfriend. If you have to suspect something, DITCH HIM.

Speaking of Betrayals...

I just got a call from a blocked number. It was a girl asking who I was. "This is Farrah. Who is this?" And then she goes, "I was just going through my boyfriend's phone and your number is in it." I said, "Okay...is this about his medical equipment?" And then she's like, "Look, I read his text messages. And after this, he is single." (First of all, everyone knows I don't text. Secondly, last I checked, I wasn't dating anyone, so I think this dude is in the clear.) Then she calls me a bitch and hangs up on me.
2 minutes later:
O MY WORD.
She just called me back.
YELLING. At ME!!!
So I say, "Sweetie, seriously, I want to help you out- who is this guy?" And she's like, "It doesn't matter, because after tonight, he's single." And I say, "Well, because I'm not dating anyone, so I think you might have the wrong number and I'd hate for you to end something because of a mista-" and then she yells that she's dumping him, it's over, and I can f* him all I want.
WOW.
That was intense for a Monday afternoon.

Now, ladies, I understand that it is customary for many of you to peruse your boyfriend's cells/palms/a'la Little Black Book (one of the most embarrassing movies ever made). But please. Must we really jump to conclusions? I mean, I know for a fact that this poor girl is upset over nothing, because I don't text people, and I'm not dating anyone, and I am most definitely not associating with anyone who would be "f*ing me." I'm just not the type of girl to text, commit, or f*. So she's definitely got the wrong cell.

Actually, I'm having difficulty determining who is worse in this situation. The woman who is sneaking into her boyfriend's phone to spy on him, or the man who would illicit some sort of reason for his girlfriend to poke through his phone. Is she the crazy one, or has he simply driven her crazy? Personally, I feel rather sorry for the poor bastard. That girl really went ape on me. I can't even imagine what she must be like in person. To someone she knows. He won't even know what hit him. Because it certainly wasn't me.

Will Run for Food.

Will I walk to cure AIDs? Just once, when I was in high school.
Did I run to save children from cancer? Nah.
Save the local hospital? uhh, NO.

I will run for food.

Saturday's Corona del Mar 5K was run purely for the food. Once you finish the race, you get to graze through a gamut of amazing, delectable food-treats. It goes without saying that any morning jog that ends with a pizza and burritos for breakfast is my kind of race. And while I have never had a desire to run a marathon, I have always wanted to take one of those mile-marker cups of water, dump the rest on my own head, and then crunch it with my amazingly powerful fist and huck it on the ground like I own the street. So that was pretty much the race for me- o, and the parts where I did jumpkicks for the cameras so I could fill Blogg with photos full of self-celebratory glory.

Someone asked me what the furthest I have ever run was. I think maybe it would be about 5 miles- and that's if iPod really gets me going on a Saturday morning, and I feel like I just can't stop my dancin' feet. Other than that, sometimes at the gym I would do around 7 miles, if there was some Law & Order marathon or something. But you people who run for 13 miles? Or 26? Was a wild animal chasing you? Because unless I am in mortal danger, I don't see the point. And even if I DID have something chasing me, let's be honest- I'd probably just lay down and take one for the team. Because, who are we kidding? I'm not gonna outrun something bigger and meaner than me. It's just never gonna happen. So may as well save any shred of dignity I may have and go down as a martyr. At least I won't get all sweaty.
PS-
To Gina's Pizza: I am in love with you. Seriously. Let's make babies.
To Islands: Your lime tacos made my morning almost as much as those 3 hot guys I followed around afterward.
To 5 Crowns: I will TOTALLY let someone take me out to have your lemon custard again. WOWZA.
To the men of Corona del Mar: I don't get it. I tried running fast enough so I'd run alongside someone attractive, but I didn't see anyone! Aren't the good-looking, youngbucks of Newport supposed to be at the finishline FIRST? I am so confused. We're only lucky I had tacos to replace my disappointment in you.

Planet Unicorn- heyyy!

Holy crap.
I just want to warn you that this very well may be the RADDEST SERIES EVER DRAWN. AND they're educational!

Further evidence that I am a gay boy- if I had 3 wishes, I'd want a planet of unicorns, too! Now I know what I want, so when I meet a genie, I won't even HESITATE.
Trust me. The more you watch it, the better they get.
...And to think, it all started with research on Fraggles, to THIS:

At this time I would like to note that our most honourable Captain Irresistible has been considering a tattoo of his family crest...which has a unicorn in it. Yea or Nay? Dain?

Hunk O'The Month

June's Hunk O'The Month is:
Captain Irresistible: DAIN.

He is taller than me by over 1 foot.
He is outstanding at Buzz Lightyear. We're talking inhumanly good.
He likes pirates. A lot.
He gives really great and surprisingly thoughtful advice.

He thinks (if he weren't Bree's younger brother) that he's Irresistible.

He's in a band with a million Asian guys:

Dain fans, it is now your turn to fawn and purr and worship.

BEGIN.