OMG- The Movie

Did anyone see this last fall? In recognizing so many of these cultures and places, I'm immediately interested- add in a discussion on how people come to know God and understand Him in their lives, I'm absolutely fascinated in hearing more. If you want to get together some Sunday soon and watch this, I would love...

When we were in Africa travelling on our little minibus to church one Sunday, we noticed that all the familiar locals were out in their best dress. For an area where most only had one shirt to their name, to see the difference on Sunday- that no matter how humble the circumstances, there was a marked difference in appearance that morning. Some were going to the large cathedral behind a gate, many were simply circled beneath a tree, holding hands and singing a prayer. But almost everyone we saw on the street was heading to worship. One of our teachers remarked, "It's interesting that, in a place where people have nothing, everyone believes in God. And in America, where we have more than what we need, so many doubt that God even exists." How much do we need faith and how much of faith comes from need? It appears that this film may make a point of that as well; did God create man or did man create God? It's an interesting discussion, at the least.

And apparently, Hugh Jackman is in it, if that helps...

Merry Christmas, Morning.

Throughout college I spent Christmas working a Tree Farm and finding out I'm allergic to pine (embarrassing, I know) and shuffling around to various friend's houses. As I've gotten older and moved around more, it's been harder on my pride factor to attend a friend's family for a few days and not feel like an imposition (as great as those families have been to have me- a 30something houseguest in a full house of virtual strangers seems a bit much). So the last few years I've spent Christmas at the beach and usually entertain other locals or out-of-towners with nowhere to go with the Ultimate Traditional Christmasfest wherever it is I'm living. Last year we made a real, live (not anymore) goose and everything. I even put some real potatoes in with my favourite potato pearls! Fancy. I know.

This year, one of my best friends from college called and invited me to her house for their traditional Mexican Christmas Eve dinner- but we realized I wouldn't be done with work in time to see the kids perform their traditional Nativity Scene (I've never actually seen one of these!) or her oldest child's newest puppet show OR get to hear them sing carols.
Work is ruining my life.
So last night we decided I would just get in late- help put the kids to bed- and then sleep over so I could experience a real Christmas morning. And by "real," I mean, the-kind-of-Christmas-morning-were-kids-wake-up-and-run-screaming-into-the-living-room-to-rip-apart-everything-left-under-the-tree. I cannot even express how excited I am to finally get to experience that. I truly believe I have waited my entire life to experience a Real Christmas like that. (I'm getting a bit teary in just thinking about it.)

As an only child from a rather humble background, we never really did presents. I might get a used game of magnets or something equally sad. When I lived with my grandparents, we were allowed to open stockings as early as we liked, but (as with everything else indoors) we were to handle ourselves at the utmost of decorum. Meaning, everyone in the house was to get dressed, be prepared for the day, sit down for breakfast and patiently wait for the other cousins to arrive. Then, one by one, we would open our one gift from Santa. Usually a used book from grampa's astounding collection from the barn, or sometimes we'd get really lucky with a group gift, like a new sled for us to share or a teddy bear.

Knowing this, my friend hesitated, warning, "I kind of thought about this- and I thought, 'I'm not sure how Farrah's going to handle Christmas morning'..."
"Do the kids wake up at 6 and freak out and just tear everything apart?"
"Well...we do try to encourage a little bit of order- to go slowly so the rest of us can wake up and adjust and take pictures, but...yeah. That's kind of what it's like."
AWESOME.
"And we still have to get some things done, like put together Claire's bike and assemble the racetrack for Colin..."
"O my gosh! Claire's getting a BIKE for CHRISTMAS!?!?" (See what I mean? A BIKE and a RACE CAR TRACK!?!? ALREADY assembled!?!? Under the tree!??! Now THIS is a Real Christmas!)
"Yeah, so, you can help us do all that when they all go to bed-"
Nothing could make me more excited. In fact, I honestly believe that I might be the one with the hardest time going to bed and the I might even be the first one to wake up, I'm anticipating Christmas morning so much.

In preparation for my first Real Christmas morning, I went to bed at 10:30pm last night, so I could be ready for what a 6 am wake up on the couch with several children would be like. I got up and prayed that I would have a Christ-centered Christmas; that I would remain focused on the Savior and His work and my relationship with Him. A few minutes later, I opened the curtain to meet this:

It took my breath away. I haven't seen a sunrise like this in quite some time- probably months. To be so caught up in work and change and daily routines and all those little things that easily absorb your day, it's easy to miss out on the grandeur the Lord provides us every day. Every day, we have reminders that the Lord is present in our lives. We just need to open our curtains and stop long enough and remember to notice.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Nephi and Prop 8.

I'm sure your mind has been as occupied as mine lately, what with every corner we turn having a request to become more informed, more active, more supportive of the passing of Proposition 8. Many of us feel conflicted and even measures of guilt if we don't whole-heartedly and enthusiastically support the passing of Proposition 8. I hope to ease any feelings of undesired dissent. Even though this topic has been weighing so heavily on your mind, ultimately it shows how seriously you are taking the Lord's counsel and how deeply you are considering the words of our prophet and what they mean to you and how that those words DO affect your life. If we were not meant to falter and if we were not meant to struggle, we would never have the opportunity to understand the Atonement or allow Christ to have any true significance in our life.

For those who like to say they have experienced these personal schisms before and have concluded they are beyond hope of harmony between their personal life and spirituality, let's be realistic here; to suppose you have already received every witness of your faith and every answer the Spirit offers would be to suppose your ability for spiritual growth stops before we even graduated college. Doubtful. Without trials and without this inner conflict, we would have no idea how strong we truly are because we would not have the opportunity to be tested to our limits, and without that test, there is no way of defeating evil or coming out winning on the other side. There really would be no goal and no point to anything. Ever. Furthermore, it is the extent of that test and struggle through conflict that we are shown our strengths; more than that (if we truly believe that we will not be tested beyond our abilities to overcome that test) it proves not just our faith in God, but the amount of faith that God has in US. If it is true that we are never given a burden greater than what we can bear, that means the Lord only allows us to struggle with issues that ultimately are meant to be our strength. When we are given a trial, it is only because we have become strong enough to succeed against it, which proves the amount of faith God has in our ability for success. And somehow, knowing that and having that perspective, can change the way we approach conflict.

Many of us may have close friends whom we fear may be offended or may not understand the position our church leaders have asked us to take. What I've come to accept about my friendships with people who don't share my faith or my belief system is that they respect me because they care about me, regardless of what they may understand of my faith. I imagine that is because they know how much I love and respect and care for them and their well-being and happiness. While we may not agree on most things, we remain friends (and share an even deeper and closer a bond) because of those times where, despite our differences, we choose to continue loving and respecting one another- regardless of our personal feelings or actions. We recognize that we don't have to be the same in order to love and appreciate each other. It's that level of acceptance- mutual tolerance and acceptance- that proves our friendship is valuable and real.

You know how they say you're supposed to pray for answers and THEN read? Tonight I read 1st Nephi. And it blew. My. Mind. Nephi is commanded to do something that he feels is immoral, that makes no sense, and is completely contrary to what he believes or even wants to do. The struggle he has- the way it's written- it is totally fascinating (1 Nephi 4:1-3). As for dealing with the potential conflicts of today and any other day, Nephi admits, "I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." (1 Nephi 4:6) Which really is the only way we can succeed- if we can manage to keep the Spirit with us at all times, we will have the power to call upon it to know what to do at the time when we need to do it (or say whatever it is the Lord needs us to say and that our friends need to hear). The Spirit is what ensures that our message will be understood, even if our words might be weak. And let's face it- some of us have more of a difficult time with words than others. Thankfully, it is the Spirit that can speak directly to all souls, that the intention of our message will be understood and accepted.

Verses 10-15 display the true struggle and inner conflict Nephi has, admitting that- in response to the command to kill Laban- "I said in my heart; Never at any time have I shed the blood of man. And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him." And I SHRUNK. Nephi himself, a faithful and obedient, visionary man "SHRUNK" at the idea of doing something the Lord commanded in a situation he did not fully understand, one which he knew directly countered one of the Ten Commandments. And the verses continue to determine that, not only is this something commanded of the Lord, but that he prepared the situation and chose someone who lived by the Spirit to do it- I imagine because only someone truly living by the Spirit would really receive such a command. Later, we even see how fickle his own brothers are (1 Nephi 7:9-12), and the reason WHY the Spirit "ceaseth soon to strive with them; for behold, they have rejected the prophets" and by actively choosing to reject the words of the prophets (for what I thought were rather understandable reasons- minus seeing angels and having experiences where the prophet has proven to be right), Laman and Lemuel weren't even able to receive understanding of these commandments because they chose not to live in a way that would allow the Spirit to be in their lives.

And it is not simply something encountered among the young. I love Sariah's experience from her perspective; here she is in the desert, having abandoned her home and beautiful, prospering city of Jerusalem, to wander based on faith in her husband, the prophet, and now her husband has endangered her children in a reckless and deathly mission- and for what? Simply because they were commanded? She doesn't even see the purpose or importance of the task, so why should she be expected to be supportive of the mission to retrieve plates, of all things? She's abandoned EVERYTHING, is sent to wander the wilderness in her age and now THIS?!?! Geez! But when they return, she comes full circle and understands- a confirmation of her husband and son's faith AFTER the task is complete and AFTER they're home safely and then she rejoices and understands the purpose of the mission (1 Nephi 5:8). I don't think this moment should be trivialized. Her reaction is totally understandable. There are times where we won't be happy or understand the purpose or point of an act of faith until AFTER the fact. That doesn't make the rejoicing any less, but it does make enduring the task significantly more painful.

Now for the modern day application of these verses. Over the years my experiences have eventually proven to me that I do have a testimony of God's prophets. My faith has shown that I do honestly and truly trust in their words, knowing their counsel is given in love, kindness, acceptance and wisdom. Why would I allow one thing to suddenly cause me doubt, when already I know where I stand on my faith in the prophet? I truly feel that this is my opportunity to make a choice that is not based on my own understanding or will, but that is God's, and the idea of being able to do that- knowing it has nothing to do with myself or my own personal, political beliefs- makes me very, very eager to find the big payoff that will be in the growth of my testimony and in proving that I really can be faithful in a way I never trusted myself to be. How many times do we have the opportunity to exercise true faith? A faith that is based off of what we know already to be true. No predetermined result or foreseeable reason of our own, but an act of faith based purely in what we know of God and His called prophets. A faith that has been proven in the past to be true, with an opportunity to act on our own accord based off of prior knowledge and understanding of sacred testimony; not with a man-made based political outcome. We do not need to justify our apologize for our actions when they are based in honesty, integrity and faith. It is faith that we have in the Lord that He will direct our paths to do the right thing. Regardless of our own lack of vision.

PS-
This was originally written in August. Now, in retrospect, I am grateful to have continued striving to move forward to understand BOTH sides of Prop 8. Two months later, I find myself feeling strongly about this issue for reasons I would have not fortold then. Just a reminder; line upon line, precept upon precept- when we excercise a mustard seed of faith in moving forward and ask for the Spirit to keep our hearts and minds clear and prepared for further revelation. Live worthily and prepare that you might receive it.

One Man.

Learn Of Me.

I thought THIS was appropriate for Sunday. Hopefully it will inspire a song in your soul, as it has mine.
Mike is going to hell for sure.

Coupling.

And here's why I love Darin & Liz so much...
Our answer back to the article from yestarday.

Faith without Works.

What if the scriptures read as follows:
And I, Nephi, was commanded to build a boat, and did wait for the Lord to drop off the tools. The end.

Rachel used this in her lesson a few weeks ago. Think about it: If Nephi, Noah, and the like did not take the initiative to "build" their future as commanded by the Lord, we wouldn't have scriptures. Everyone would have just died out there in the wilderness, and the story would be over. But they didn't wait for God to provide everything first; they were given a commandment and then did whatever it took to make things happen.

I kind of wonder if maybe I haven't been doing a little "sitting, wishing, waiting" in my o-so busy and full life. Sure, I SAY I'm finally willing to consider a "time and all eternity" relationship- but have I DONE anything about it? Or do I simply shrug and say, "well, when the right guy comes along, I'm sure I'll be ready," or, "if I met anyone special, I'm sure I'd be able to commit then!" and, "I'm sure there's somebody somewhere out there for me. I just need to let him find me." You know you've said the same things. We all do. Every week, about Sunday afternoon, when we choose to come home instead of suffering another linger longer, dessert party, birthday party, or movie night, we think, "gosh- it really would be nice to be dating somebody, buuuuut..." and we run out the door to the next big event.

Now, I'm not shy. I can't imagine how insurmountable this multitude of social activities must be for those of you who are. But I'm out there. Shaking hands, kissing babies, and offering my digits to any poor soul who will have it. But has it made any difference in my relationship status beyond the delightful title of being "a really fun girl" who gets invited to every FUN outing on the market? I'm not complaining; I'm not. I am SO flattered that people would think to have me along and I absolutely love camping, boating, partying, and eating anything somebody else has so kindly cooked. But over-socializing has not brought me any closer to accomplishing this "goal" of a serious, if not terminal, relationship. Which is, apparently, what I'm supposed to be looking for.

Lately I've begun to wonder if all this fun is the problem. If it's become my excuse for not dating. That was certainly the case when I was in college. Many times, if I ever did have a date, the poor sucker would surely end up getting ditched by 10pm, so I could reconvene with my buddies, finish off their leftover pizza, and watch The Crocodile Hunter. But that was over 10 years ago. What's my excuse now?

I attend all the meetings which I should attend. I go to every ward activity sponsored, even the ones that make me feel completely juvenile, because that's what you do when you sustain your leaders, right? In 15 years of membership, I have never "ward-hopped" and always fulfilled my callings with great gusto. I fellowship, I am friendly, and I always try to invite strangers to social events. What more could possibly be expected of me? Part of me realizes that perhaps I've had it all wrong. Maybe I've been too devoted. Too faithful to the LDS-singles socializing scene. Here I thought I was going to church to study the gospel, but the point of a single's ward was to get me married off! How naive I have been! While I was busy fellowshipping, the smart kids were flirting. While I worried about entertaining everyone and providing equal attention to inclusion of all members, the socially savvy members were making their marks. And when I was busy inviting new members to activities, everyone who knew better was busy pairing off. A perfect example:
At the funnest ward dance ever (not that I've been to any others lately), I ran into SEVERAL genuinely interesting and extremely attractive men not from our ward, and had such great conversations with each. Of course, every. single. time, in the middle of talking, a fantastic, unignorable song came on and I had to stop, briefly explaining, "I am so sorry, I SO want to keep talking to you...But I absolutely MUST dance to this song! Bye!" I mean, it was a DANCE. I was there to DANCE. I figured if anyone was interested in finishing the conversation, we could do it when the music wasn't so danged hot. Needless to say, I'm not in touch with a single one of those guys, but boy, did my friends and I ever have a blast.

So here I am. Alone. Again. When I ran into a former "adult" leader shortly after my last bad breakup, she looked at me sincerely and sympathetically and asked, "Have you tried going online?" Tearfully, I scoffed at her suggestion, and insisted that (while things were bad) it wasn't THAT bad! Six months later, I see her sweet face in my mind and think, "if faith without works is dead, where does that put me?" I say I have the faith, but am I doing enough? Sure, I go out a lot...but maybe I'm going out too much, with too many people, too often. Maybe I'm paying too much attention making sure everyone feels special, so no one person gets attention. And the whole time, I'm thinking, "well, if he wanted me, he'd do something about it." Until someone's man enough to demand my undivided time and attention, aren't I doing a good job of representing Christ in fellowshipping His children? ALL His children?

I hate the idea of "looking out for #1," and I hate the idea of my church experience becoming my social experience, but if my way isn't right, does that make me wrong? At what point does practicing faith translate into doing enough to get the job done? I mean, yes- it's a man's responsibility to do the asking, but is there something more women should be doing to make that happen? Because I thought I was being as friendly as I could without following somebody home...

I'll do what you want me to do, dear Lord, but I'm also waiting for you to drop off all the tools and instructions for me to accomplish our goals. What would have happened if our prophets of old had said such a thing? As Rachel said so plainly, "The story would be over." I'm not ready for my story to be over. I do have faith. But as far as my works go...If you have any suggestions for an absurdly outgoing girl who really, really likes getting to know people, I'm open to suggestions. Because so far, all I've done is make a lot of friends who eventually leave me for relationships.

Commandments.

So I'm driving along one Saturday afternoon, enjoying KCRW's latest program on The Ten Commandments and wishing I had someone in the car beside me so we could discuss it. Relevant illustrations included "Thou shalt not kill," an interview with an Army chaplin/sargent, and some 7th graders on coveting- as in, how can anyone NOT covet iPod? (You're asking me!?!) Which is (for some of us) equal to coveting another's spouse. But knowing it is breaking a commandment to covet, we still aspire to achieve certain material goods or obtaining a certain improved status in life.
My favourite story is the one interviewing teens. One girl with a huge "Nadie N David" scrawled the length of her forearm describes her relationship with "David." Apparently, she dated him and then broke up with him because he would "talk $#!%" about her, but they got back together because, well, because that's what love is. (Even though her friend insists the rumors about Dave were true, and that "you can't know real love until you're 16.") Just then- DURING THE INTERVIEW- well, now...Who's that with the girl wrapped around his arm? DAVID?!?!
You can't make this stuff up. It's AWESOME.
So how do we "progress," without coveting? And what is there to achieve if we cannot envy? How do we avoid "lusting in our hearts," and is that even realistic? Are any of these commandments realistic- or are we all destined to break them on some level or another? Look at the pictures, read The Bible, and let me know how it helps your Sunday School discussions.

For future reference and more details on Commandments, you may want to refer to The Bible. And here's my new favourite version of The Bible, because I like the illustrations. And if you want to hear the program...well. I think you'll just have to come over to my house, because I can't figure out how to post it. But I've listened to this episode 5 times so far, and I still get a kick out of the boy with God's name, the shame brought to father's name, and especially that one about iPod.

A Man With No Vices.

As many of you know, my grandfather passed away last month. As the family contemplated his life, my cousin Justin said, "Grampa really had no vices." We all thought about his statement. And it was true. He never drank or smoked, or said anything crude to anyone. He was never lewd or careless or unkind. Over the rest of our weekend together, his wife, children and grandchildren could recollect a time when Grampa raised a hand, or even his voice at any one of us. The only time we could say Grampa ever coming close to yelling were times that either to warn us or to protect us. And even then, I don't think anyone who grew up with him had it happen more than once.

My grandfather is an inspiration in so many ways. An incredible example of Christlike life and love for all mankind. A man of wisdom and gentleness and humor. A man who took the time to make each person he met feel that they were important enough to stop for. A man who could be depended upon and trusted, regardless of your relationship with him. How incredible would this world be if we had more men with no vices!

In this wake of "He Said/She Said" and "Mars vs Venus" and "Man-bashing," etc, I would really like to honour those men who are good men. Those men who we appreciate and enjoy and trust. I would like to thank the men in my life who have been my brothers and my example; the men who have set the standard for how I should expect to be treated as a woman and as a child of God.

To those men who are good, but have not found the courage to really DO good- I want you to know that we need you. The world needs you to stand up and protect those around you- whether or not they appear to need safeguarding. We need you to stand up and stop those people who are inappropriate or reckless with others. We want you to do what is right, and show us that there ARE good men in this world. Your goodness brings us hope. It renews our faith. And it inspires the people around you to be better.

Be good. And be strong. The difference you make, matters.

Expensive Mistakes.

And they were all in one weekend. Good thing I'm such a miser in Real Life. This way I can afford all my expensive weekend mistakes.

Speeding + Traffic School from business trip: $202
DMV Renewal (I was going to do it any minute now...): $132
Friday's Post-80s Prom* Breakfast at Harbour House: $18
Isaac's Concert + obligatory sugar-high (thanks, Karen): $14
Running out of gas in BFE, San Onofre: $32
Being rescued by Marines from Camp Pendelton: PRICELESS.

I was really wishing I had a camera with me. This weekend was truly priceless. Especially the drift off the freeway and walking up to 3 Marines, smiling, waving, and yelling, "I'm in distress!" I had prayed to float home off the fumes, determined to drive on faith alone. I may have been late for the Morning Session of General Conference, but the Lord gave me the opportunity to give out 3 dedicated Book of Mormon's and 3 Protein Bars to my new heros.

Prayer works. Amen.
*Thanks to the resourceful and stylish Eckman for the amazing prom dress. After trying on many sequined, lace-abounding, ill-fitting gowns from a suspect-smelling Salvation Army, I realized I haven't felt that unattractive SINCE the 80s. Seriously. My other option would have surely resulted in hives.
I promise you, I NEVER felt this cool in the 80s.
Notice that Kevin is with several women. But when a man wears leopard print spandex and plays the tambourine, that's just what's to be expected at prom. Rawr. It really was this awkward...