Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dear Prime Time Television-

Dear American Idol,
The other night you caught up with me and reminded me exactly why I avoided you for so many years. You are still the most BORING THING ON TELEVISION. Taking mediocre singers with an imposed semblance of style to karaoke songs too boring for my grandmother to listen to? Not since the introduction of Britney Spears has the music industry manufactured such shame and exploited America's children for a cheap form of under-talented, fluffed up amusement.
I'm sorry, but you are a poor excuse for entertainment. There is nothing groundbreaking about your programming and virtually no creativity involved in puppetering insecure teenagers to re-hash pop songs. I've seen more originality and inspired performances in a dive karaoke bar. In fact, the one honest voice is the show's producer, Simon Cowell, and every tidbit of constructive criticism he offers up is boo'd by the audience, whom I can only assume is comprised of a roomful of ignorant, brain-numbingly ignorant teens from some white-bread, cookie-cutter suburb. How is it always such a shock that a judge, of all people, would make suggestions on how to improve a performance?!? Not only is that the primary function of a judge, but- for crying out loud! In the entertainment industry, one would be LUCKY to get feedback after an audition! You don't TALK BACK to your director- the person who is there to coach you to becoming a performer someone would actually want to watch. That little stage you're on isn't so we can simply sit around you, clap enthusiastically and groom your ego with undue praise- last time I looked, I'm not your mother; you should be working to prove you deserve to even BE there.

What I find most disturbing about the concept of American Idol is that these teens, these children, are meant to be molded into "idols." Our immortal icons of music are such because they possessed a charisma, a style, an inherent sense of self-expression that draws us in and demands to be heard. But during the course of the program, most of these potential "idols" don't play or even write their own music...I'm at a loss as to understanding what- if anything- an "American Idol" actually contributes to American music.
While I don't watch and hardly follow this show, due to it's crushingly disappointing standards cited above, I must admit a fear goes through me when I see the less-experienced sensations prostituted in their final episodes. On occasion, an actual personality is shown as a finalist- as for whether their music is any good, rarely do we hear more than a one-hit wonder from the "winner" of this twice-weekly broadcast fiasco. In fact, most the others are tossed by the wayside, used as disposable fodder for back-up vocals during their brilliant marketing plan to construct a sad gasp for extending the fantasy through a publicity streak "tour." I'm fully aware I'm overthinking this situation, but...honestly! The frightening reality of this show is that these kids are completely under-deserving, under-qualified and unprepared for true stardom. They spend weeks showboating and doing as their told, barely above hyjacking a lip-synched version of another star's hit, only to be exposed as a used up pawn in a ratings scheme. It's like setting off short-lived poppers expecting dynamite and occasionally resulting with a 15 minutes of fame sparkler.
Good enough? Perhaps. Idol? Let's not speak so strongly.

Friday, March 26, 2010

They're the newest thing-

Just because you're busy, doesn't mean you can't look sharp! Please, ladies..."Put your best self out there," with PajamaJeans! Comfortable as sweats, but those metal rivets make them look like expensive, European designer jeans!!! I mean, WOW.
Just know, dear reader, I want these as much as you wanted a Snuggie last December. THAT MUCH.

Monday, March 22, 2010

A Boombox Can Change the World:

Hence, why I take a boombox with me wherever I may go...

The other day I turned on my favourite oldie's station and was met with hits from the 80's...THE 80's!?! Oldies is a genre- motown is as progressive as it gets. If I want David Bowie, I'll listen to the 80's/90's Alt-Rock station. But just 'coz it's 30 years old, doesn't make it an "oldie." That kinda hurts my feelings.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

"You're a Very Attractive Waste of Time."

...Kind of like this blog.

Did I mention that a man backed his car into me AS I WAS WAITING in the parking lot? Parked? And then even when I was backing away from him, since he was CLEARLY not paying attention? And somehow STILL, he managed to hit me?!? (If anyone watched last night's Modern Family, you'll love this.)

I DO so love little kittens.