Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Sara Jessica Parker and Me:

I couldn't have said it better myself, Orson Scott Card.

His article on how LDS men could learn a lot from Sex & the City.

O wait...
I think I might have!

Monday, February 15, 2010


I'm not particularly fond of peanut butter. Criminal, right? But as much as I'd like to appreciate it, I just enjoy the jelly more. There is so much variety and scope to the types of jelly you can use on a PB&J. For a long time I didn't think I liked PB&J, but then I figured out that it was because my mom always just shoved a giant glob of jelly onto a piece of bread with a glob of peanut butter smeared on it, so by the time I got to school, it was just a giant blob of peanut butter dripping in jelly with crust.
As an adult, I have learned that the proper ratio of peanut butter to jelly is KEY in a sandwich. Further is the cross-cutting of the sandwich, which adds to the appeal. You'll not that a diagonally cut PB&J is much more appealing than a sandwich cut in half. Furthermore, teacake cut PB&J (cut diagonally into quarters) is even more appetizing and your everyday lunch has now become an unexpected, delightful little treat.

In relationships, let's be honest, I like the jelly. Lots of it. I could have snuggle time for hours and not mind one bit. But relationships require more than the jelly. The peanut butter is what turns toast into a sandwich. And as much as I may dislike peanut butter, it is what turns a side snack into a meal. As I've discussed situations with male friends (and a few women admit to this as well), as much as they enjoy the making out part, they can only do it so long before they simply get bored or don't know what else to do with the person. And no matter how much they may like their date, they can't subsist on the jelly alone. Good as it is, it requires something heavier, something thicker, to hold the bread together. It requires peanut butter. Something that kind of sticks to the roof of your mouth, maybe gets in your teeth and makes you want to brush and floss afterward. But it sticks in your gut and you don't feel like you've spoiled your stomach later and you feel like you've done something good for yourself and enjoyed what you put into your system.

What I'm saying is, there's something to be said for planned activities. There's something to be said for intellectual dialogue. There's something to be said for broadening and deepening the connection you share with the person you're with beyond simply the glob of jelly. And if you do it right- by cutting on the diagonal- even the stuff that's not your favourite is still kind of nice to look forward to the feeling you'll get after it's all been digested.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

G, Love.

I love you, G.Love.
But you call me in the middle of the night for action and I might not pick up the phone.

Friday, February 12, 2010

A Good Man is Hard to Find?

Who says a good man is hard to find? I propose that it is simply where you're looking...and what you're looking for...

Dear Farrah, 

Your readers might remember me as Molly. June of 2009, my grandmother decided to try and help me find a man who was the "right age."...Don Osmond Jr. Ha.. 

Well, I'd like to go ahead and share with you a story of how I've turned into that girl. This last week, I went to lunch with a group of consultants for my work. One of the consultants seemed to pay particular attention to me - I was definitely feeling vibes. It was a nice little ego boost. So nice in fact, that I thought to myself, "I remember what it's like to be flirted with, and (boy-that-i've-had-a-crush-on-for-3-months) does not flirt with me, I'm done with that crush." 

Maybe I Facebook stalked said consultant last night and maybe he has a boyfriend.That's right. I have no idea what vibes even are. Apparently ATTENTION = VIBES in my book???

Therefore, I would like to withdraw my candidacy for being single, a woman, or being allowed in the dating scene.

Maybe Grandma was onto something, 


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Looking For Love.

"Life is a playground, and I'm looking for someone to play with."

Me, too, creepy child-stalker guy. Me, too.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Romance Us!

Major contest on Blogg!
The floral shop I work for is offering a Valentine's bouquet to the most romantic story we get! Our favourite stories will be posted throughout the month as inspiration and the best one will actually get a call to deliver flowers to the heart of your choice in the LA area (if you don't know anyone, you can have them sent to me- I like getting flowers, too!) Go to TheWoodsLA.blogspot.com to send us your best story!

Monday, February 8, 2010


Dear Chloe,
You are getting really skinny this season. But that does not make you any cuter. Just remember: anorexia does not pay.
We still think you are funny, though.
Stick to your strengths.

Thank you for wearing those Harry Potter glasses. Your producers are really determined to flesh out this whole, "I'm a grandpa and vulnerable now" version of Kiefer. We're totally not buying it, but we are humoring your efforts.

Twin Beds = Celibate Men

It's not just true on "I Love Lucy." If a man is sharing a room and sleeping in a twin bed, one things is for certain: That guy is not getting laid.
Katie and I were talking the other night about men and twin beds, and she said, "There are only 3 times when a man should be sleeping in a twin bed and sharing a room. When he's a little boy, when he's on a mission, and when he's in college. But that is it. There is no reason for a man to be 30 and in a twin bed, still sharing a room." To which I proceeded to illustrate that two best friends (men), used to work for the same company, share the same room, and slept in...BUNK BEDS. I won't even get into the matching company cars and sync'd Milli Vanilli soundtracks. In any case, raised eyebrows at work aside, neither one got married until AFTER they'd moved away from each other and got queens. They're now married with kids and definately not gay.
Now, I recognize that (due to a little something called "morality"), NONE of us are getting any. However, the point is, that until you get out on your own, little soldier, and get a bed big enough for the both of us; no self-respecting woman is going to bed with a man who still lives like a boy.

Conclusion: If you are a man and are still sleeping in a twin bed and sharing a room, the chances of you getting a woman in there are about as good as Ricky Ricardo's. And that guy was already married.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Don't Cry.

Dear Jake,
I'll always love you and you are always perfect to me.

Even though you're single and super-buff now, I probably won't see "Prince of Persia" and that Jesus haircut has got to go.


If you need a refresher of LOST in less than the 2 hour recap of last season's episode, I think the 5 Seasons in 5 Minutes version is pretty effective.
O, Jack. How I've missed you so.