Thursday, November 22, 2007

Giving Thanks.

On November 21st, my thirty-fun birthday, I flew to Guatemala with a handful of friends. In talking with our flight attendants and tonight at Thanksgiving Dinner, I have had the opportunity to recognize and reflect on what a blessed life I have had. Truly the Lord's hand has led me and protected me, has drawn me to good places with good people, and I have had guidance from angels directing my path into this extraordinary life of opportunity.
I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Or in, in my case- ALWAYS GO FOR SECONDS.

If you only knew how many women tell me that I liberate them through food, either by out-consuming them (thus obliterating guilt), or by my outstanding capacity for marathon-eating (freeing them up to enjoy their own meal), or by my outward appreciation of all edible delights (thus, teaching women to always take dessert), I am a free'r of women! A champion of food! At the very least, I am always dependable as a trash-compactor, freeing my lady-friends of any temptations or leftovers.

TRUST ME. This is my role. I do it well. And I serve with honour.

I eat because I can. It's available to me, and I am in a small portion of the world that has more than an adequate portion; unlike most of the world, we have the potential to over-consume. Isn't that a decadent thing to know? How can we throw out perfectly good food, when we know that merely yards away, there are people who have nothing but the clothes on their back, let alone a meal in their belly.

So I eat for the good of society.
I eat for the good of the world.
I eat for the benefit of others.
It's charity, really.

Go for it. For the good of those around you. Liberate yourself and liberate us all. Lie about your weight- in the excess. It's ridiculous that thinness and self-esteem have become interdependent of each other. And who is holding up this standard of starvation as desirable? I'll give you a hint; it isn't in the scriptures. So I say, give the world the finger and do what you want to do. Go for seconds. It isn't everybody who gets to be a part of the world of excess. Be thankful for what you've have. And to those of you who look at you with abhorrence, smile back with brownies in your teeth.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

My Born Identity.

This day explains so much about me. My mom said that at the premiere episode of Charlie's Angels, she saw the name and just knew- it was a girl, and her name was Farrah.
My namesake:

I have so much to live up to.

As far as I know, my hair hasn't inspired anyone, let alone a generation's style! And I haven't even been in Playboy yet! Damn! How am I EVER gonna live up to this?!?

Monday, November 19, 2007


Should I be insulted if someone offered me a one-night stand?
What if that one-night stand was offered with frequent one-night stands as friends?
Since when did commitment become such a big deal to me?
Does this mean I'm growing up? Or just that I'm no interested?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Newton's Law-

Well, let's be truthful. There are a LOT of reasons why women are nuts. You wanna know why women are so crazy? I'll tell you why they're crazy. One reason why is because they're trying to respond to men when men don't realize they aren't sending a clear signal.
As in, "We broke up, but he still texts, emails and calls all the time because our friendship is really important to him and he cares about me." Sorry, sister. Even if he's doing all that without malicious intent (and if he's a good guy, he probably really DOES mean all those things), you know what else he is? He's selfish. He wants you in his life when it's convenient for him, but without the obligations of being responsible for your feelings. Meanwhile, he's out on date, while you're still texting your ex-boyfriend about your day and when you find out, you're going to spend the next month or two trying to figure out what the hell happened. If he were thoughtful, he'd let the relationship die a natural death and think kind thoughts of you from afar. Better yet, if he REALLY cared about your well-being and really DID think you were that great of a girl, he'd set you up with someone you COULD have a future with.

Or how about, "I really like him and I feel chemistry and he calls all the time and he always wants to hang out with me- we're such good friends, but now he has a girlfriend. I don't get it!" Get this; to men, being friends means simply that: being a friend. As for the chemistry, it must be there or neither of you would bother having a second conversation. But if that chemistry isn't strong enough to push him over the plate, that boy's never gonna hit what you're pitching. He's just gonna keep catching whatever you throw to him. So, ladies, quit sending out one-way pitches and get out to catch in the field for once. It may mean hanging out in the green a little bit more and you might see less action out in the field, but when that home run comes your way, you KNOW it's your ball to catch.

My girlfriends love getting my "guy version" of perspective on why they might be doing what they're doing and how YOU should start taking responsibility for your own behavior. If there's anything you can take away from this brief interlude, let it be this:
ACT. Don't guage your behavior according to a REaction from some guy's mixed signals. Make sure your actions are the actions of who YOU want to be; see that you are behaving in a way that makes YOU happy. If some man doesn't jive with that, he can go somewhere else. Because somewhere out there is someone who likes your overreacting or underreacting, your drama or lack thereof, your outrageously outgoing behaviour or your solitary ways.

There are a million scenarios like this and you know it. Go ahead. Send them my way. And, gentlemen readers, while I may be gifted with an oversimplified mind, you ARE still The Man. Go ahead and throw in your two cents. I'm sure the ladies will appreciate it.

*You are going to want to watch the entire instructional video, as the ending has useful applications for sending clear signals as illustrated.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


One of the worst parts of my job is that I spend approximately 4-8 hours a day in traffic. One of the best parts of my day is that I can listen to Nic Harcourt as I sit in traffic. And I hear interviews of fascinating people and artists I like play live in the studio. Artists like STARS:

They're really good. But I've always been partial to Canadians. "Take me to the Riot" is a great song- one I found myself singing along to at the top of my lungs in the car, but the video isn't nearly as good as the one I posted (the title of "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" is better anyway).

Any other suggestions for new bands we probably aren't listening to yet?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Bitten by the Bug- AGAIN.

Tonight my friend informed me that he's still running 5 days a week; he is still on track with his New Year's Resolution. My New Year's Resolution was "Class it UP: '007." As in, it's time for me to upgrade my lifestyle. I am finally growing into my big-girl shoes. (As in, ones not bought in stores called "3 Pairs for $24!") I'm buying suits and growing out of the everyday habit of knit dresses (although the ones from SJPs new BITTEN line fit like a glove, so I feel confident in the fact they were under $30 total. I plan to get them in every colour). And, in keeping with tradition, I am still leaving the country at least once a year. Thanks to the Hunk O'Funk, this year, it's to the Guat! It's less than $500 for a few days in Guatemala, and I couldn't be more thrilled with the timing. We leave Wednesday, November 21st (how's THAT for the most exciting birthday EVER!?!) and I'll come back...well...Whenever I FEEL like coming back. But seriously. You should get your tickets at Delta. Superclassy non-stop flights with in-flight service (I think this means I'll finally get to see the blockbuster movies I've been putting off seeing) and our first day we'll be hiking through jungle to flowing, hot molten LAVA. How rad is that?!?! Seriously. If it is at all within your means or power to do so, I seriously suggest you grab your flight. They really are that cheap. I just bought mine today, and it's midnight!
Now, most of you may know I've been wanting and dreaming and HOPING to go to India for my birthday/Thanksgiving holiday, but guess what? This year, India is coming to US! So, if you aren't joining me for the Guat, I hope you'll let me take you to India on Saturday, November 18th. The India-fest will be hitting the OC this weekend! Wouldn't that just be the best? Let's all go to India together!!!
Maybe later some of us can hit Paris and have dinner at Le Creperie in Long Beach and then I'll hook up with you rock stars to hit the Kareoke bars of Japan at Elvis Kareoke in Costa Mesa. It's the INTERNATIONAL birthday- and I want YOU by my side to celebrate it in style.

Friday, November 9, 2007


I've gotten reservations for Friday Night at the Getty. There's live music, hours d'overs, and great photography. Let me know if you can come so you're not left behind! Just click on the link to "reservation" to get your free tickets! The Getty exhibits and concert are free and it's only $8 a car for parking.

Later tonight, the LA Santa Monica ward is having a kareoke party- food and all will be there, too.

I submit we hit that on the way home~What do you think?

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Older Men.

Consistently I hear women 25-30something complaining about LDS men in the singles department. And I hear the same two solutions offered each time: Date a non-member. Date an older man. I get why these women think an older man is the solution. He's, well...older. Thus lending more "experience" in ways of wooing as well as- everything else that may go along with the wooing part. Plus, he's usually got more stability- career, emotionally, financially, etc. Now, it's common knowledge I don't date men over the age of 25. It's not really a rule, per se, I've just never done it.*

Here's the thing with dating older men.

I just always end up thinking, "What if he'd rather be with my mom?"

She's superhot, and she's pretty young...I mean, that's not far-fetched, really. So I always take the precaution to date men who are at least several years younger than myself. And, of course, none of them are ever over the age of 25.

Don't even ask me about the 55 year-old man my mom tried setting me up with. When I asked her why SHE didn't just date him, she responded, "Well- he's just so much more your type! He's really smart and he's very cultured- he's just not really my style. But he'd be perfect for you!" um, thanks, Mom. And the sad part is, when he kept calling me, my actual thought process was as follows:
"Well, I'm not dating anyone right now...And he DOES like the international cinema (I can never seem to get anyone to read subtitles with me). And I DO like a good lecture (he was a professor for awhile and still attends certain lecture nights, which sounded fabulous). And he IS really intelligent...."

But, ultimately, unless it's this guy- I really don't care:

OR this one:

Any others with fleeting thoughts of desperation? I'm dying to know. That way I'm not the only one with family members who have a perversity for selling out their daughters to wildly inappropriate men. Being single isn't so bad. And your options can always get worse. There's a bit of consolation in knowing that...I'd rather be alone and have my dignity and practice the fine art of patience and faith, then sell out for a man who drives a nice car and has a daughter older than me.

* That's not entirely true...I have dated someone older once and one time I went out with someone older a couple of times, but that's a whole new story of hilarity to be shared at another date. I mean, time.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


I love giving advice that's unwarranted. I love it even more when you ask me. Here's a recent note I received from a reader- please, lend a hand, yo:

I'm not one to give my heart freely. In fact I feel like I have so much internal damage from loving relationships that not even a new loving relationship can help, and that's two years after the fact. I can't live my life in fear of loving again just to not be able to love completely. What do I do?

Sweet reader,
Get therapy.

Here's my real opinion, my dear Locked Out of Love. I want you to know I wrote a very eloquent, thoughtful piece for you in response, but my computer shut down and erased all 7 paragraphs, and now I feel (much as you must) like anything I try to re-create will just never be as good as the first one which I had invested so much time and energy and heart into. But I cannot leave you hanging, so...Take 2:

Dear Locked Out of Love,
Please let me begin by saying that I wish we lived closer, because I just want to have you over for a nice cup of tea and the biggest hug ever!!! It really does pain my heart to hear your plight, and it pains me even more to know that you have had several relationships fall apart because you have not been able to overcome this immense fear and mistrust. Not only because you are keeping yourself from loving someone else, but because you're preventing that someone else the immense gift of being able to love and appreciate you. And that just doesn't seem fair.

First, I was not kidding when I said, "get therapy." The fact remains: You're being tormented by something that finished over two years ago, and all the thinking and praying and venting and dating has not helped you to overcome this past situation. If you have been working this hard for all this time, why would the suggestion of professional help be anything to scoff at? If you want your situation to change, something in you is going to have to be willing to make a change. Therapy isn't going to dictate what you should do or magically tell you how to fix all your problems or make you dwell unnecessarily on the past. A therapist will serve as an impartial party who is trained to professionally help you sort things out to recognize and adjust the unhealthy patterns you've ingrained into yourself. Because as much as your friends, your mom, your bishop, your roommates, your friends, your ward, and your coworkers may love you, if they haven't come up with the answer to get over this guy after two years of tears and heartache and more ruined relationships, that therapist sure sounds like the most time-effective way to go about modifying the patterns that you may be slipping into. Friends on Blogg who are therapists can probably go about explaining the true methodology behind therapy better than I can, so I'll let them take the floor from here.

Now I'd like you to take a minute and assess your life. Are you happy with who you are? Are you happy with your life right now? Romantic relationships aside, are you satisfied with your friendships, your social circles, your education level, your career, your goals, your spiritual activity? And if not, what can you do right now to inspire yourself again? Take guitar lessons! Go back to school, or sign up for a grad class! Throw a mocktail party with your most fabulous friends! Give a toast to yourself and recognize all the progress you've made and take the time to acknowledge within yourself all the things which you HAVE accomplished! Romance is great, but no romantic relationship is going to fill the void that comes from being unsatisfied with who you are on your own. No man should be expected to fix you.

What's difficult about your situation is that you're saying subsequent relationships have been damaged because of a damaging relationship from the past. Again, I say, unfair. Unfair to you, unfair to those who love you. And unfair to the ones who are going to love you in the future. What's even more aggravating is that, by not moving forward, you're also giving an incredible amount of power and control to the very man who tried to take that from you in the first place! Don't let him do take that from you. He's already taken up enough of your time! Besides, Karma doesn't just happen as vindication to tritely brush off someone else's bad behavior; it's that those who treat others with disrespect and disregard for the well-being of those around them tend to create disharmony around themselves. And since the way we treat others is generally a good reflection of how we feel about ourselves, you can bet your bottom dollar that man was never the man who was going to make you truly happy. And yes, you want to be with the man who will be truly happy- with you and beside you, because together you make each other better individuals.

Finally, I'm going to share what a very wise friend once warned me: At some point, you are going to need to swallow that hard, cold pill and admit that there is something you are getting out of harbouring this resentment and blaming your fears on the past. If you weren't getting some kind of satisfaction, you would not need to hold onto this pain. Whether it provides you with an excuse for not growing up and moving forward, or allows you to feel morally superior to the man who hurt you, or allows you to say, "I had love once," in order to feel better about not having it now; there is something you are hanging onto that needs to be resolved so you can have the freedom to move on. Once you find the courage to let go, accepting the love of someone who deserves yours in kind will be a natural effect of opening yourself to the possibility that you deserve love and you deserve the freedom to love someone else, openly, honestly and completely.

Here's to gaining the courage and confidence and faith it requires to unlock that door. Big hugs to you.

The Future.

I DO believe the children are our future...but sometimes I see things like this and that future suddenly becomes very, very questionable...
1. These kids are from Ohio, so I already feel sorry for them.
2. They clearly have had enough experience with this form of juvinille torment to actually INVENT a "solution," which makes me even sadder for them.
3. They will not only grow up to be "those weird twins who invented the underpants," but they will do said growing up with the remains of their underpants around their knees.

4. Didn't strippers think of this stuff first? Sorry guys. I don't think you're going to win. But I do think you might find some friendly cowhands who understand their plight

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Lars & The Real Girl

I just saw the sweetest, most orignial, genuinely heartwarming movie: Lars and the Real Girl.

Ryan Gosling deserves an award for the subtle, completely believable portrayal of a man so isolated from society that the very touch of another human being causes him physical pain. The emotions he cannot figure out how to express just seethe and boil underneath his gentle and kind face and you feel for him as he struggles to reach out and allow others to reach out to him. While the plotline seems unrealistic, the brilliance of Lars and the Real Girl is how utterly real every single character's actions are. The amount of love and genuine concern that the community shows to support Lars is touching and the most honestly caring film I've seen in a long time. It may be pitched as another one of those "indie- offbeat comedies with heart," but while that genre has grown in popularity, a lot of those films are noticably trying too hard to BE "offbeat and indie" feeling, whereas everything about Lars is genuine and humble. We're simply lucky enough to be invited into town.

You've heard me say before how I wish there were more films that had characters we could like; that there is a lack of goodness in media. Lars and the Real Girl have it in spades. You love every single person in this film, and it's okay to. You don't feel like it's a cop-out, rather, the personal growth of every individual in the community can be felt as the film develops, and that is the true plot. When each person is allowed to express themselves through this "girl," Bianca, they are allowed to reach out in ways that might not normally be socially acceptable, but they reach out and thereby grow- and it's all done out of love.

Truly hilarious, brilliantly written, and flawless acting make this film a must see.

Thursday, November 1, 2007


Usually I like to steer clear of any real information about myself on Blogg. I prefer theorhetorics or person-to-person conversation. However, since it is my birthday month, I figure I'll throw my e-friends a bone for once.

So, a lot of you have been wondering where the f*bomb came from. It may be because my name starts with an "f." It might be because my roommate thinks I'm the But this is where it REALLY originates:
Who says men's figure skating isn't masculine? If the Olympics were like THIS, I'd watch them more often.

Tom Jones, you are a class act. Why my generation doesn't appreciate you more, I will never understand. You have my heart and my pants. And, apparently, now you have his, too.