Well, let's be truthful. There are a LOT of reasons why women are nuts. You wanna know why women are so crazy? I'll tell you why they're crazy. One reason why is because they're trying to respond to men when men don't realize they aren't sending a clear signal.
*
As in, "We broke up, but he still texts, emails and calls all the time because our friendship is really important to him and he cares about me." Sorry, sister. Even if he's doing all that without malicious intent (and if he's a good guy, he probably really DOES mean all those things), you know what else he is? He's selfish. He wants you in his life when it's convenient for him, but without the obligations of being responsible for your feelings. Meanwhile, he's out on date, while you're still texting your ex-boyfriend about your day and when you find out, you're going to spend the next month or two trying to figure out what the hell happened. If he were thoughtful, he'd let the relationship die a natural death and think kind thoughts of you from afar. Better yet, if he REALLY cared about your well-being and really DID think you were that great of a girl, he'd set you up with someone you COULD have a future with.
Or how about, "I really like him and I feel chemistry and he calls all the time and he always wants to hang out with me- we're such good friends, but now he has a girlfriend. I don't get it!" Get this; to men, being friends means simply that: being a friend. As for the chemistry, it must be there or neither of you would bother having a second conversation. But if that chemistry isn't strong enough to push him over the plate, that boy's never gonna hit what you're pitching. He's just gonna keep catching whatever you throw to him. So, ladies, quit sending out one-way pitches and get out to catch in the field for once. It may mean hanging out in the green a little bit more and you might see less action out in the field, but when that home run comes your way, you KNOW it's your ball to catch.
My girlfriends love getting my "guy version" of perspective on why they might be doing what they're doing and how YOU should start taking responsibility for your own behavior. If there's anything you can take away from this brief interlude, let it be this:
ACT. Don't guage your behavior according to a REaction from some guy's mixed signals. Make sure your actions are the actions of who YOU want to be; see that you are behaving in a way that makes YOU happy. If some man doesn't jive with that, he can go somewhere else. Because somewhere out there is someone who likes your overreacting or underreacting, your drama or lack thereof, your outrageously outgoing behaviour or your solitary ways.
There are a million scenarios like this and you know it. Go ahead. Send them my way. And, gentlemen readers, while I may be gifted with an oversimplified mind, you ARE still The Man. Go ahead and throw in your two cents. I'm sure the ladies will appreciate it.
*You are going to want to watch the entire instructional video, as the ending has useful applications for sending clear signals as illustrated.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Often I think people are oblivious that there are signals. Boys are oblivious in approaching girls and girls are oblivious in handling feelings once they're dating. Below I posted apt examples (no original ideas from me...it's from vice writers) that break down on how. Let's learn...
GIRLS
"If you are an advanced philosopher type, you don't ask questions you know the answer to. But, once you go ahead and ask those questions, accept the answer you get. If the question is a pushy one, like 'Are we dating?' then the answer, if it's 'No, we're not,' will come in the form of a lot of elaborate backpedaling and grimacing and flattery, not in the form of just plain old 'No.' Don't act like you never got a straight answer."
"This is golden wisdom. When I was 22 or so, I was all into this thirtysomething-year-old who used to come over and we'd talk about whatever. When I finally professed the whole thing he said, 'Oh I know that. I mean, nothing doing—you're way too young, it's disgusting, but don't you see? What we have here—it's the best. You just want the caress. What's that?'
Now, I've tried saying this to people when I've meant, 'Not interested, not at all, not in a million years, I loathe and pity you,' and it didn't work. But when it is in fact the case, like say you're into someone but you can't do it for whatever cinematic reason, keep that speech in mind..."
"There was another story this same guy told me. He was a TA and this girl student came to him the second week of class and professed her affection. He said, 'Well, hmm. Do this: wait until the end of class and I'll tell you how I feel.' So class went on, she wrote engaged papers and tingled with anticipation, and so on, until on the final day when she came to him, and he said, 'Ah, nothing doing.'"
BOYS
"When you walk up to a stranger in a bar and say hello, what you're really saying is, 'All I know about you is that you're attractive but that's enough for me to want to start a relationship. My priorities are, "Is she hot?" and then I go from there.'
Those are what everyone's priorities are but you're not supposed to admit it. Can't you at least wait until there's some kind of eye contact? I don't know what advice to give you cold-call guys. Frankly, I think you're all a bunch of asses. It's creeps like you that have made it so hard for the rest of us to get anywhere."
"Instead of worrying about who is going to get with you, just go out and be gregarious guy. 'Hey, what's your name? Oh, Mark? How's it going, Mark? I'm Chris. Who's this?' 'I'm Julie.' 'Hey Julie.' We know you want to get with Julie. We all want to get with Julie. Just don't admit it to anyone. Not even to yourself..."
"Before any kind of dating scenario you have to extend your fun-guy phase just a little bit longer. That means if you want to see her again you call her from somewhere really fun and basically invite her to a party like she's one of the guys..."
"Now don't call her again! Don't call her at 2 AM asking her why she didn't show. You're fun guy. You're not Heavy Vibes Guy. Also, the odds are she just came out of a bad and serious relationship and the last thing she needs is more dumb questions on her voice mail at dawn. You can only call a girl 1.5 times more than she calls you..."
"Calling a girl over 1.5 times more than she calls you makes you look desperate (by the way, never use the word "desperate" in any context whatsoever. The word has a heavy hex on it). If you have reached out to a girl you like and after a few days it becomes clear it's going nowhere, here's a good last-ditch-effort text message: 'I guess that's it then. I'm moving out. What are we going to do about the cats?' Showing that you don't really care about her not digging you is often all it takes to get her back."
That seemed to have a lot of math (or at least a lot of calculations) in it. Where do you FIND this stuff, Broek?
Personally, I figure that if I'm still willing to be in the same room as you, I like you enough to spend time with you. If I am still okay with going out with you, that means I like being with you. If I don't like someone, I pretty much just avoid them altogether.
Unless, of course, I am superattracted to you, in which case, you are the singlemost ONLY person I will not acknowledge in a roomful of people. I can pretty much promise you that.
"...you know what else he is? He's selfish."
Is it really possible for the person who ended it to not be selfish? It's cruel to be kind, but it's also cruel to be cruel. Isn't ignoring someone, not returning calls, assuming that the person who was dumped must be so crushed that they can't interact with you, etc. just another form of having what you want over the feelings of the other person?
Is it more selfish to say "I can't put in the work to still be your friend so I just won't" or to say "I know it strings you along, but I don't want to just ignore you"?
Either way you are being selfish in that your wants (no longer being in a relationship with the person) are more important than their wants (to still be in that relationship)
I've tried to remain friends with people and known it just makes things harder for both of us, and I've also been called awful for not remaining good friends with someone after breaking up. I really still don't know which is more selfish or worse for the other person.
Being friends or remaining friend-LY is completely different from continuing to flirt, set expectations, and assume that your ex is still as available to you as when you were dating.
The pattern I'm observing of many "still friends" ex's here is that pattern of continuing the dating relationship sans the actual dates. They still continue dating other people, but expect the ex to continue with lengthy text-messaging, long phone calls, and emotional support. Why? Because it's comfortably familiar and because it's safe- a relationship with someone you like with no commitment.
Ultimately, you're fooling yourself if you don't think jealousy or feelings will not arise from such ongoing behaviour.
Post a Comment