Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Ponies, Husbands and Other Fun Wishes.

When someone says, "I really want to get married," it sounds a lot to me like when I say, "I really want a pony."
OF COURSE I want a pony!
I have wanted a pony my entire LIFE!
I know the colour, the pattrern, the name of my pony...I have dreamt of this magnificent creature since the time I was five years old. I WANT THAT PONY.
And then I think, "Farrah, if you REALLY wanted that pony so'd get it."
And I say, "Self. You outsmart me again."
It's true. If I really wanted that pony right now, I'd get it. I'd take out a loan. I'd buy it. I'd find a way. I could rent. Borrow. I could even volunteer at a stable. There are a number of ways I could have my pony...but I have yet to do so. Because, you see, the truth is, I DO want that pony...when I want something to play with. To dream about. To fawn over. To pamper. To love. So much do I really want that pony? And how much of wanting it is really just what I like to tell myself when I have too much time on my hands?

When I hear people say, "I really want to get married!" I believe them. It's not the sincerity of the dream; it's the reality of the desire. If I say, "I really want to get married," I stop and think, "Am I really doing everything to show that this is the desire of my heart? Or is it simply a desire ( and then...) in my heart?" If this were truly my desire, I believe I'd be doing more. Just like getting myself that pony.

So before you let out that lonely thought of, "I just really want to be married!" ask yourself:
Have you asked out your own dates?
Have you gone online?
Have you looked outside your own faith?
Have you asked to be set up by friends?
Are you willing to go outside your own comfort zone, put down your pride, accept different expectations and fully pursue the desire of your heart? Or are you simply whimsically repeating a phrase you've known to be true since your childhood?

I'm not suggesting that the statement, "I want to get married," is insincere. (My desire for a pony is very real as well!) I know relationships require TWO hearts to be prepared and open to one another; and that does take time and it may also take kissing a number of frogs to get there. All I'm suggesting is that we not throw around the desire of our hearts as though it is a mere wish or whim or something that we dream of simply to fulfill our own romantic fantasies. That when we speak the desire of our hearts, we speak it with the intent toward action. That when we finally utter the words, "I want to get married," we do so with a sacredness in which we are prepared to do whatever it takes, to pursue at all costs and are prepared for the consequences of caring for, loving, providing and nourishing an eternal relationship.

Because the other part about having a pony is that you'd better be prepared to shovel a whole lot of someone else's shit.


naomi said...

Very thought provoking. And the last sentence was the best one of all! Well said!

bex said...

girl. you are so wise.

Christy Cropper Photography said...

you speak the truth. i mean, i want a pony... but not bad enough to get one.

f*bomb. said...

I think a lot of the frustration and the madness comes when we put out all these expectations on the having of someone instead of on ourselves...once you recognize the burden is your own, it's not quite the desperate situation you originally thought, is it?

Salt H2O said...

Well put!

I am living proof that your post is true, as someone who genuinely decided it was time to get married, and did so.

Saule Cogneur said...

There is a whole other piece to this too. Ponies are all kinds of work! They smell bad. They're expensive. They eat a lot. You get in trouble if you ignore them. They get mangey if you don't groom them. etc.

Many people who get ponies learn the hard way that they aren't so magical after all.

(I cannot recall our connection. We both know one Mindy I'm told, but I found your blog through someone else. Cropstar is the only blog we both read ((Hi, Christy!)), but I can't even recall if THAT was how I found your blog either.)

Laura said...

I'm going to direct anyone I hear say those words "I want to get married/I want a pony" to this post.

I am married and every now and again I think about it and I'm surprised... even after these 6 years. It's one thing wanting it enough to actually say it and another when you never really thought about it and end up married. Maybe that's part of how I ended up married. There was never any pressure?

I have no idea how this happened. It's fun enough, but you are right again, there is a lot of crap to deal with which would not be worth it unless you ended up with the perfect pony/man for you.

You're awesome.

f*bomb. said...

Wow, Laura, thanks!
It's not even just an, "I don't want to put up with another person's crap,"'s a, "don't feel sorry for yourself and think that marriage is the magical ride out of your current life." It takes a lot of work. And that's very satisfying if and when you finally DO decide to go out and get that pony.