When someone says, "I really want to get married," it sounds a lot to me like when I say, "I really want a pony."
OF COURSE I want a pony!
I have wanted a pony my entire LIFE!
I know the colour, the pattrern, the name of my pony...I have dreamt of this magnificent creature since the time I was five years old. I WANT THAT PONY.
And then I think, "Farrah, if you REALLY wanted that pony so bad...you'd get it."
And I say, "Self. You outsmart me again."
It's true. If I really wanted that pony right now, I'd get it. I'd take out a loan. I'd buy it. I'd find a way. I could rent. Borrow. I could even volunteer at a stable. There are a number of ways I could have my pony...but I have yet to do so. Because, you see, the truth is, I DO want that pony...when I want something to play with. To dream about. To fawn over. To pamper. To love. So really...how much do I really want that pony? And how much of wanting it is really just what I like to tell myself when I have too much time on my hands?
When I hear people say, "I really want to get married!" I believe them. It's not the sincerity of the dream; it's the reality of the desire. If I say, "I really want to get married," I stop and think, "Am I really doing everything to show that this is the desire of my heart? Or is it simply a desire (...now and then...) in my heart?" If this were truly my desire, I believe I'd be doing more. Just like getting myself that pony.
So before you let out that lonely thought of, "I just really want to be married!" ask yourself:
Have you asked out your own dates?
Have you gone online?
Have you looked outside your own faith?
Have you asked to be set up by friends?
Are you willing to go outside your own comfort zone, put down your pride, accept different expectations and fully pursue the desire of your heart? Or are you simply whimsically repeating a phrase you've known to be true since your childhood?
I'm not suggesting that the statement, "I want to get married," is insincere. (My desire for a pony is very real as well!) I know relationships require TWO hearts to be prepared and open to one another; and that does take time and it may also take kissing a number of frogs to get there. All I'm suggesting is that we not throw around the desire of our hearts as though it is a mere wish or whim or something that we dream of simply to fulfill our own romantic fantasies. That when we speak the desire of our hearts, we speak it with the intent toward action. That when we finally utter the words, "I want to get married," we do so with a sacredness in which we are prepared to do whatever it takes, to pursue at all costs and are prepared for the consequences of caring for, loving, providing and nourishing an eternal relationship.
Because the other part about having a pony is that you'd better be prepared to shovel a whole lot of someone else's shit.