Today-

I just ate a pound of chocolate for no apparent reason.
ugh.

I cleaned out the cupboards and found chocolate bars that were sitting around for a year or so, some chocolate cookies that had expired in '06, halloween m&m's from last year, and (in cleaning the house) all the rest of the cadbury mini-eggs the Easter bunny left behind 2 weeks ago.
I'm not much of a sweets person (which is probably why all my candy is long-past due), but if this guy walked by, I'd probably take a bite out of his @$$, too.

He's Got Game.

Apparently there is a book out called, "The Game." Written by a student of some legendary pickp-up artist who looks more like a reject from Willy Wonka's costume party, "The Game" discusses how to pick up on women. What made me laugh is the response I've heard from men I KNOW in regards to this book. That it's "brilliant!" "sooo true!" and "really works!" and in describing some of the "moves" discussed by "the society of pick-up artists," I had to laugh. Sorry to burst your bubble, boys. Here's a clue: Those "moves" are working because WOMEN KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.

We know that if you put your hand on our lower back and lead us somewhere, that is the signal to let us know you want to put your hands on other parts of our body, too. And, unless you're a creep, we're usually cool with that. We know that when you touch our face, it's you trying to be "tender" with us when all you really want is to kiss. And that's usually cool too, if you've treated us kindly and with respect and there's a genuine connection there. "Leading a woman away from the pack"? Please. So elementary. Trust me, we didn't GO to that party/bar/club/FHE meeting to hang out with the girlfriends we arrived with. In fact, ask ANY woman you know if she'd prefer to stay talking with her roommates or a man who showed interest in something she's talking about. Or even a man who showed interest in anything long enough to look her in the eye and give a few meaningful responses or contributions beyond the typical "good to see you (as I look over your shoulder at every other girl in the room)" move men tend to think inspires us to like you.

Besides. If you're taking advice from a man who looks like this:I think we need more help than you can find in some $35 book.

What baffles me is that men seem to think it's so COMPLICATED to get a woman's affections. If anything, that is the ONE area where women are incredibly simple. All a woman needs is to know you are sincere. Genuine interest, sincere attention, and TIME are all it really takes. And trust me, boys, not one of you (that I know) needs more help than that. I'm amazed at how many guys will say, "Why aren't you interested in (this guy or that guy)?" and the only response I can give is, "He never asked." If you are a man and you're not ASKING for us to give you attention, you're likely only going to get it from girls who still think baking brownies is the best way to the alter. Which is fine, if that's what you're looking for. (Just know that I'm rolling my eyes and snickering.) But if what you want is a mature, equal partner who is ready to get into the trenches with you because she wants to contribute to creating the best life you can together, all you need to do is ASK.

Ask for her attention by talking to her when she's not surrounded by other people. Ask her opinion on something that interests you- ask her about what interests HER. Ask her out- show her you think she's worth an hour or two of your Guitar Hero time. And here's the real kicker- if you're asking her sincerely about what you genuinely want to learn about her, and she's INTERESTING to you, chances are high, she'll think YOU are really interesting, too. It's a crazy pheonomenon- people who are interestING are so because they are interestED. And what's awesome for you (for both of you) in this deal, is that when you do find someone genuinely interesting, you don't have to think about "moves" or "tactics" because she'll already know you're interested. And the bonus is: You really are.

In fact, as a woman who'd like to see everyone feel good in a relationship, let me offer you some of MY pickup artist tips (and they're totally free):
1) Be genuine. It's hard to take someone seriously when you know he's said the same things to every girl you know.
2) Be real. Don't kiss us when you don't like us and don't want to see us again. THAT is how guys get labeled as players. NOT by asking out multiple girls in order to get to know individuals better.
3) Be good. You would not BELIEVE how many referrals I get on a guy I barely even know- word on the street is, "he's a really good guy." INTERESTING how "really good guy" equates to "damn! I REALLY want him to call me!"

So please, Really Good Guys of this world, know this: We like you. We want you. We just need you to want us enough to reach out and let us know that you're interested enough to put down that stupid book and give us a little of your time.

Anything else you'd like to contribute in the advice sector for these guys? Go for it. If my buddies are wasting $35 on this scam artist, I can promise any words of wisdom are welcome here.

For Better or Worse?

When I was a kid there was this comic, "For Better or Worse," in the daily paper. I always read these little snippets of a young family's life, but it wasn't very funny at all and the title alone mystified me. You're a comic...how bad could your life possibly be?

Now, that phrase has a deeper meaning- perhaps one that was alluded to in the comic by virtue of marriage alone. But as someone who has never been married, I wonder:

What's the "worse" mean?

There are some obvious causes for divorce, in my book. I won't even go into the obvious here. But...what about falling away spiritually? There is no guarantee, you know. As we've all learned by now, all testimonies are different and even the most faithful at one point may have weaknesses in others. Your background does not determine your faithfulness. It's just a jumping off point for when you start making your own decisions. And what happens to the faithful when their good decisions, for better or for worse, don't result with the expected, desired outcome? What IF your loved one has a change of faith? What IF your spouse chooses to no longer be diligent in their calling or study scriptures or say prayers anymore? What IF???

So when you are married in the temple, I don't know if you agree to "better or for worse," but I do wonder- at a rising divorce rate quickly joining the secular world's 50% average- what do you do when someone in your marriage decides to change their mind? Not about their commitment to YOU, but to their faith?

Yes. We CAN.

The only questions I have left are: How is a Canadian asked to sing about our Primary and who are all the white people?

Strong Apathy?

"I don't care."
Probably one of the most frequently employed phrase of adolescents. At least, when I was an adolescent, it was likely the most common response to most anything. Maybe I was an inordinately sullen girl, I don't know. I'm not sure how you were when you were the delightful age of 12, but I know that pretty much nothing mattered to me enough to say anything. Actually, beneath all that apparent apathy, I think there must have been a great deal of fear. Insecurity, perhaps; that standing out in stating an opinion somehow would make me draw attention to myself, which (for most of us) is the absolute LAST thing we want in Jr High. Maybe it was even the desire not to offend or hurt someone else by having a difference of opinion. Don't get me wrong. I am most definitely certain that I have always been abnormally opinionated; it's just a matter of whether or not I would share my feelings. In fact, the response, "I don't care," usually meant that I very much cared and that I knew I was not about to come even close to having my desired outcome, so, really...what's the point? So yeah. At 12, I DON'T care. And yeah, I kind of resent that I can't.

"I don't care!"
Throughout my 20s, the spirited enthusiasm which came through being an overtly passionate individual would usually give way to the highly agreeable singsong response, "I don't care!" Whatever was good for my friends was probably good by me...I mean, as long as we are together, what does it matter where we go or what we do? I knew we're going to have a great time and make a great night and create some awesome memories and just get closer and become better friends. While I was stoked most of the time about most of whatever I happened to be involved with, it didn't so much matter if I was at the helm of the ship, so long as I was on a good boat. Either way, I knew it was going to be a party.

"I don't care."
Lately I've been feeling like maybe the immense manic decade and a half of my life was either absurdly optimistic or that I'm going through some kind of punk attitude akin to my Jr High years. I find myself doing a lot of things I like a lot- alone. And I don't care. I find that I'd rather spend time with one or two people that I really appreciate and value and find interesting, than surround myself with a plethora of people in order to be busy on any given night. I've been wondering what happened to the super-optimistic, bubbly character I had become so accustomed to being...it was like I was the best part of everything I liked being. Where did I go? And how did I end up so sullen all over again?
And then I realize; I'm not sullen. I just don't care!
I love my friends- I don't need to have so many people around me that I can't have a coherent conversation!
I love live music- I don't need someone else by my side to immerse myself in the beauty and fire that comes from a live performance!
I love the theatre- I don't need someone to buy my ticket in order to laugh and cry and indulge myself in the lost art of good acting and a rigorous imagination.
I love art- I love getting to look at something that someone else has cared and nurtured so much and then stopping and considering all the thought that must have gone into their work.
I love being active- the best part of a hike or snowboarding or working out are those silent moments of clarity when there is no chatter noise or distraction, but simply peace and appreciation for the strength and health of a body that works and of the expansive nature and cool air of the wilderness.
I don't want to convince anyone else that what I like is good. I don't need to explain why something is enjoyable or deep or interesting. I don't need to feel justified for being who I am or doing what I like. I just don't care. I like who I've become, and it just doesn't matter if anyone else does- because the best thing about realizing you don't care is knowing that you do.

Go ahead. Tell us one thing you did this week that you were totally loving when it didn't even matter what anyone else might have thought. Maybe you'll find out someone else doesn't care if they get to appreciate it with you.

O-hell-O.

"Where Ohio leads, the nation follows."
Really, Senator Clinton? You REALLY want to hold OHIO up as the national standard of choice? Isn't Ohio one of the fattest states in America?
I'm not telling anyone how to vote (I'll leave politics to Kory), but...Seriously. If we're all supposed to think Ohio is where the brightest of the bright reside, Senator Clinton is not as smart as I thought. She also continued to rant and bellyache over President Bush. I'm not a fan of his and never have been, but he's our PRESIDENT for crying out loud. Why the disrespect? Especially when we are in, as she says, TWO WARS and need to create peace. Do you really think that enemies of the US will respect us MORE if we sabotage our own national figurehead? It also makes me think she may need a better speech writer. At least President Bush has had some great speeches (it's just unfortunate the delivery is so poor). And her socialistic tirade on universal health care? Maybe she didn't quite factor in a few other elements...
Calm down, now, Eva Peron. We'll let you throw dollar bills out a train on your way to Wyoming.