Apparently there is a book out called, "The Game." Written by a student of some legendary pickp-up artist who looks more like a reject from Willy Wonka's costume party, "The Game" discusses how to pick up on women. What made me laugh is the response I've heard from men I KNOW in regards to this book. That it's "brilliant!" "sooo true!" and "really works!" and in describing some of the "moves" discussed by "the society of pick-up artists," I had to laugh. Sorry to burst your bubble, boys. Here's a clue: Those "moves" are working because WOMEN KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.
We know that if you put your hand on our lower back and lead us somewhere, that is the signal to let us know you want to put your hands on other parts of our body, too. And, unless you're a creep, we're usually cool with that. We know that when you touch our face, it's you trying to be "tender" with us when all you really want is to kiss. And that's usually cool too, if you've treated us kindly and with respect and there's a genuine connection there. "Leading a woman away from the pack"? Please. So elementary. Trust me, we didn't GO to that party/bar/club/FHE meeting to hang out with the girlfriends we arrived with. In fact, ask ANY woman you know if she'd prefer to stay talking with her roommates or a man who showed interest in something she's talking about. Or even a man who showed interest in anything long enough to look her in the eye and give a few meaningful responses or contributions beyond the typical "good to see you (as I look over your shoulder at every other girl in the room)" move men tend to think inspires us to like you.
Besides. If you're taking advice from a man who looks like this:I think we need more help than you can find in some $35 book.
What baffles me is that men seem to think it's so COMPLICATED to get a woman's affections. If anything, that is the ONE area where women are incredibly simple. All a woman needs is to know you are sincere. Genuine interest, sincere attention, and TIME are all it really takes. And trust me, boys, not one of you (that I know) needs more help than that. I'm amazed at how many guys will say, "Why aren't you interested in (this guy or that guy)?" and the only response I can give is, "He never asked." If you are a man and you're not ASKING for us to give you attention, you're likely only going to get it from girls who still think baking brownies is the best way to the alter. Which is fine, if that's what you're looking for. (Just know that I'm rolling my eyes and snickering.) But if what you want is a mature, equal partner who is ready to get into the trenches with you because she wants to contribute to creating the best life you can together, all you need to do is ASK.
Ask for her attention by talking to her when she's not surrounded by other people. Ask her opinion on something that interests you- ask her about what interests HER. Ask her out- show her you think she's worth an hour or two of your Guitar Hero time. And here's the real kicker- if you're asking her sincerely about what you genuinely want to learn about her, and she's INTERESTING to you, chances are high, she'll think YOU are really interesting, too. It's a crazy pheonomenon- people who are interestING are so because they are interestED. And what's awesome for you (for both of you) in this deal, is that when you do find someone genuinely interesting, you don't have to think about "moves" or "tactics" because she'll already know you're interested. And the bonus is: You really are.
In fact, as a woman who'd like to see everyone feel good in a relationship, let me offer you some of MY pickup artist tips (and they're totally free):
1) Be genuine. It's hard to take someone seriously when you know he's said the same things to every girl you know.
2) Be real. Don't kiss us when you don't like us and don't want to see us again. THAT is how guys get labeled as players. NOT by asking out multiple girls in order to get to know individuals better.
3) Be good. You would not BELIEVE how many referrals I get on a guy I barely even know- word on the street is, "he's a really good guy." INTERESTING how "really good guy" equates to "damn! I REALLY want him to call me!"
So please, Really Good Guys of this world, know this: We like you. We want you. We just need you to want us enough to reach out and let us know that you're interested enough to put down that stupid book and give us a little of your time.
Anything else you'd like to contribute in the advice sector for these guys? Go for it. If my buddies are wasting $35 on this scam artist, I can promise any words of wisdom are welcome here.