Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Brownie Slut.

I'm KINDA shocked when I meet someone (especially a BYU alum) who is not familiar with the term, "Brownie Slut." These Brownie Sluts were so prevalent in my college years that I swore off baking the entire time there, just to ensure I was not confused with one. You've seen them; those girls who peddle baked goods, usually door-to-door, in order to meet and introduce themselves to local boys. The rationale (if you can call it such) is that, by providing a sweet treat, she too, would get a treat and be invited on a magical date to the temple or to 7 Peaks or something equally romantic and eventually be married by next semester. Being a Brownie Slut is like the gateway drug to being a pharmaceutical rep; provide treats and you will be remembered and revered. And hopefully position you well to marry a doctor! Totally clever plan, riiight?
Barf.
While I have no objections to brownies proper, it is in the intent of the act which I find disheartening.

And now I must address the Sluts themselves:
Ladies- at what point did it seem like prostituting your skills out to men who have done NOTHING for you, seem like a good idea? Does it occur to you that maybe a man might value you more if you let HIM do something to get YOUR attention? So close your cupboards, ladies.*

*See? It's not just me. It's DOCTRINE now.

9 comments:

Louis Gray said...

I have never heard that term before. Seriously.

So consider this...

When Kristine (my wife now) was moving out of the ward, I was among those who helped.

The following week, she brought homemade muffins to me (and a few others who helped in the move). Maybe I would have never called or e-mailed again had it not been for the muffins?

Then we got married. (I skipped a few steps)

Did it work? :)

naomi said...

"Being a Brownie Slut is like the gateway drug to being a pharmaceutical rep" >>> you have no idea how much that made me laugh...

Salt H2O said...

Have you seen pharma reps? They didn't have to make brownies.

I found the brownie sluts (I will offend here) were the girls that weren't attractive enough to get guys on the sheer superficial stuff so they had to go the extra mile to make up the difference- hence the brownies.

Where as I made up for my lack of good looks with strong opinions on political issues- because we all know BYU men love opinionated women~

Salt H2O said...

Side note: I had friends that genuinely loved to cook- now that I think about it I don't think they ever cooked brownies- in any case they liked to cook but didn't want to eat what they cooked so they shared- typically with guys because their tasty treats were fatening. They don't qualify with the above statement-

f*bomb. said...

hahhahahaaaaa....
Smart friends are awesomer when they're funny, too.

Mr President- You must be right. Now, to ensure my message cannot possibly be confused with friendly kindness, I confirm with every compliment of a shared baked good, "Does that cookie make me appear more attractive to you? Does it make you want to marry me now?"

So far, two confirmations in the affirmative.

Kory-
Just another reason why I went into MEDICAL.

Tannerama said...

Baking stuff for dudes who haven't done anything for them in the hopes of getting a date? What a bunch of C-words.

Let's just make something clear. Sluts exchange SEXUAL FAVORS for MONEY. Making brownies for a guy you might want to date is just being nice.

f*bomb. said...

WRONG, Tannerama. WHORES exchange sexual favours for money. SLUTS give it up for FREE.

I'd rather make a profit off my work any day.

Nanda said...

Awesome - I actually hadn't heard the term before - thanks for the education ..

Tamara Atkin said...

I've never heard of it either. I must have been a hair-cut slut, because I used to cut guys hair for free by the dozens per week sometimes. But I only recently realized that some of those guys must have assumed I was wanting a date with them. I never dated a guy after cutting his hair. Some of them I really should have. But most of them I picked out and invited because I just couldn't bare for them to continue on with such terrible haircuts or lack of a haircut. Perhaps it's possible that those girls just couldn't bare to see those boys go without baked goods.