Monday, July 21, 2008

Newton's Law.

A girlfriend recently detailed her latest long-standing flirtation with someone from work. After a month of roadtrips and long talks and flirty texts, they finally went out. Over the last 2 weeks he has suddenly vacillated between either awkwardly ignoring her during or sending flirtatious text messages on the weekend. I don't know this guy and I don't know more than what she's told me about the situation, but it seems to me that a man who can't be bothered enough to pick up the phone after having an actual date doesn't seem to be man enough to expect any sort of response from her. Normally, I'd write the situation off as another case of "he's just not THAT into you" enough to behave like a normal human being- or even as someone remotely attentive. What gives me pause is the fact that she has confessed ignoring HIM and behaving just as awkwardly because now she really likes him. She responds to his flirtatious texts with (what she deems) "sassy, sarcastic" ones that some might find rather...deflating. She refuses to discuss their relationship with their other coworkers- particularly their mutual friends. It's made her even more insecure to know that he may or may not be talking about her- but she's stuck in the middle of not knowing what to do because, quite frankly, several weeks of flirting and a date or two does NOT a relationship make.

Newton's 3rd Law of Motion states that "for every action is an equal and opposite reaction." Is it giving him too much credit to say this guy is simply playing off of HER cool behaviour? Or is he, in fact, simply calling (ahem- texting) only when it's convenient for HIM? Does it even matter? I'm inclined to believe that if someone simply texts on a Friday night with no particular purpose that the only thing he's interested in is wasting time (at his convenience, mind you. Double bad). I'm also inclined to believe that the true message is in the meta verbals- if he's only calling when he knows you can't respond, but he continues to call and the tone is always inviting and friendly, perhaps that's as good as it will ever get. FRIENDLY. So far, that's as much credit as I'm willing to give this joker; they clearly like each other and have a good time, but it seems to me that his mind is made up to be nothing more than good friends.

So my remaining question is:
How much can we expect that men are reacting rather than acting out? I suspect that (when push comes to shove) men will pony up and make things happen with a woman they truly can't do without, and therefore any behaviour short of this means he's not really interested in pursuing anything beyond friendship- but maybe I'm giving too much credit (or my expectations for one to man-up is too high). You tell me. Is he wasting her time, or just waiting for when the timing is right?

5 comments:

KEL said...

As someone out of touch with dating, they're both guilty of behaving like wishy-washy children. If you want casual dating, don't go after a co-worker because you'll see them at least 5/7 days a week. I remember several times in college the guys complaining there were no girls and the girls complaining there were no guys. At what point do we embrace the whole no guts, no glory concept? Does anyone like being that confused and miserable? If she doesn't, then she needs to step up and ask him out on a date and treat him as she would want to be treated at work. Never expect the other person to do all the work. You'll always be disapointed if they don't and surprised if they do.

f*bomb. said...

Yow.
I might have to swallow that advice.
Too bad I'm such chicken$#!%.

KEL said...

And I loved your clip from one of the top 5 movies of all my time. I don't think I've ever seen a hetero male's hips move close to that in real life.

f*bomb. said...

What makes you think he's hetero?
What am I thinking- he's straight up AWESOME. I'd take him either way.

KEL said...

I decided he's hetero because it gives me hope.