Do you fight?
Or let it go?
I've always believed that if someone you love is willing to walk away from you, the best thing to do is shut the door and never look back. Because if someone doesn't respect and honour you for who you are once they actually know you, they don't deserve your time or affections.
But-
Are there mitigating circumstances?
Have you ever broken up with someone, thinking, "But if..." and wished that they'd come back? Or wanted to revoke your own judgement?
I'm as cold and empty as a soulless robot, so I was hoping someone from the peanut gallery might have some words of wisdom to contribute.
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8 comments:
you always think but if. you often want them to come back. but if they left, they left. and you have to turn your back and start walking towards something in the future that is waiting for you.
Two of my closest friends broke up with girls that they ended up marrying. One was being wishy-washy, and the other was dealing with some pretty heavy personal stuff.
People are not rational, so they don't always act that way. A lot of times they don't, actually.
I say in most cases it's good to just walk away, but really, you never know. Sometimes people break up when they don't really mean it. That does happen. And much of what I'm saying right now goes against my own personal philosophy, but thinking of these two couples and how they're both totally happily married now makes me rethink that position.
I guess proceed with caution. That is a long answer for such a weak conclusion.
It depends largely on why the person is walking away from you.
Brent tried to break up with me the month before he proposed to me. He wanted to break up because there was too much stress in his life- working full time and getting his masters full time that a long distance relationship wasn't viable at that time.
I told him all he had to say was, "Kory I'm not insterested in you" and I'd walk away- no problem. If a guy wasn't smart enough to know I was the catch of the day his loss. But that wasn't the issue.
It's easy to walk away from people when they reject you- it's harder to put up a fight and find out why and try to work through it- not only that you put yourself out there for more rejection.
Kory.
I remember this.
I am calling you.
love you.
-f.
Let them go. I learned the hard way...
That's a tough call. MANY, if not most, of my friends had break-ups with their now-spouses. Sometimes the timing's not right; sometimes people need to work out their fears, insecurities or other issues before they make that huge commitment. (Heck, one of my besties had moved on to another boyfriend before now-hubby came around!)
But, that being said, in my case, Round 2 tends to be a painful reminder of why things didn't work out in Round 1. Sure, it's all rosy and fun at first when you remember all those delightful little things that made you fall in the first place... but then the causes behind the break rear their ugly heads, and it's even harder to walk away again - but sometimes it's necessary.
So... basically... that's my non-answer. Good luck, lady!
It's easy to say 'no more.' It is very logical and protects.
However, having seen several marriages go down the toilet, even the most I-won't-put-up-with-that-crap kind of women don't behave so rashly. Four or 10 or 14 years of marriage/relationship is a long time to just give up.
Fighting means effort on both people's part, committment and counseling (individual and/or couples). If you've got those you have some hope. If you're missing something then walk on.
farrah i'm sorry you're going through this. i have absolutely no idea how this dating thing works, but i do know timing is everything and that somehow it all works out in the end how it's best for you. IT DOES. i just know it.
i'm coming to visit you in less than 2 weeks.
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