I just said, quite possibly, one of the most embarrassing things to ever say.
And I am never embarrassed.
Once it was said out loud, I wanted to crawl under my bed and hide.
We were talking about all the possibilities of my life right now; the jobs I was applying for and the things I want to accomplish. And along with that came the reality that I may need to move in order to fulfill these goals. And along with that came this comment:
"And it's not like I'm dating anyone here. And I've been here for 3 years! And the last person I even dated seriously was a YEAR ago! ...If this isn't the place for me, maybe I need to be somewhere where people are more serious."
And then my stomach dropped.
I really said that.
It came from my mind.
From my lips.
From my voice.
This is how I really feel? This is what I really think? That I should abandon an entire city, simply because I'm not dating someone?!?
I didn't think I was that sort of girl.
I'm exactly that sort of girl.
The kind of girl who will move if someones not actively making a move. It's why I left Provo like a bat out of hell. It's why I was okay with leaving Denver (land that I love!). It's partially why I fled the Bay Area. Is it me? Or is it LDS men? Lazy daters? Slow movers? I'm all for taking my time, steeping slowly into commitment (shudder)...but why all the hesitation in even getting to know one another? I simply do not get it.
And just when I think I am getting my just desserts for being too opinionated, independent and intimidating for the LDS world, my neighbour who is the complete opposite of me in nearly every way- adorable with big blue eyes, innocent and blonde as the morning sun (and nearly just as young) exclaimed, "I am thinking of moving because I'm just SICK of the Huntington Beach scene!" ...Okay. I must admit. Of all people, I did NOT expect the following to come from a mini-Barbie that's only lived here for 6 months:
"The problem is that there are a limited number of attractive LDS guys around here. And an innumerable amount of extremely attractive, intelligent women (she gestured toward me; thank you, my mini-Swiss Miss.), and they can't decide who to date! And they don't want to spend money or time to find out WHO they should date because they're too cheap and too scared, so they just do NOTHING! It's cowardly and it's stupid and it's pathetic!"
Well, sweetheart, I must say, I agree. There IS something rather pathetic about a man who is frozen by fear and indecision. But we're not even asking for a decision to have a relationship. And therein lies the miscommunication.
I'm willing to bet (back me up on your opinions, ladies) that 89% of all women would be happy with a casual date with someone who is interested in knowing her better, with no expectations of a committed relationship. Period. But I'm figuring, statistically, judging by our experiences, that men are actually the ones putting the cart before the horse when it comes to dating. They are the ones putting the pressure on themselves to get too serious too fast. So you're pressed for time. I hear that, brother. So am I. So let's run our errands together. Let's wash the car. Let's go grocery shopping. We have to eat, right? We may as well multi-task! So you're cheap. I know it's Orange County and they'd have you believe that everything is about the almighty dollar, but there's not much cost in reading on the beach. Or going on a bike ride. Or surfing. Together.
We don't want a man to stalk us until he decides he wants a relationship with us and THEN starts asking us out. You're right. That setup IS intimidating. It IS a lot of pressure and it's bound to create disappointing situations. But what's so wrong with playing the field? Here's a secret: Girls don't mind if you're dating several of us. There are really only three things I can imagine a girl would have cause to hate you if you were truly playing the field:
1) If you're trying to play it with her BEST FRIEND. ie: the girl she shares a room with.
2) If you're telling each of them that you want to have babies with her (THAT is leading someone on...NOT a second or third date).
3) If you're making out with all of them but don't actually LIKE any of them.
Ladies, take note- if a guy is not doing the above, he is playing FAIR and SQUARE. Let's have none of this "I'm 19-at-BYU-and-think-a-guy's-a-dog-if-he-went-out-with-two-different-girls-in-the-same-weekend." Please. Grow up. Gentlemen, take heart; I don't personally KNOW any women who think that way, and considering I know A LOT of women, I think you're in the clear. So. No excuses.
Get out there and play.
And someone, for pete's sake, come on out and play with me. Because this train is a rockin' on forward...
In the meanwhile, I send out my thanks to all the men I haven't dated. I guess it's thanks to you that I able to be so independent. It is your indecisive immovability which makes me so utterly mobile. Your lack of experience lends me the ultimate freedom to experience everything this world has to offer (except for you, of course, my darling). And yes, truly, not dating you has given me the time to make my life absolutely incredible. So. Sincerely. Thanks.