You, Me and Johnny Depp.

For those of you who haven't been to an Isaac Hayden show yet, I'd describe his music as beautiful, thoughtful, well-crafted lyrics paired with a gritty, soulful, raw vocal sound. I hear many people compare him to Jack Johnson, but I'm more apt to say James Taylor, Sting, Donovan Frankenreiter, or Matt Nathanson. Let's just say...He's totally worth the $7.

Our good friend, Isaac Hayden, has been invited to play Johnny Depp's Viper Room this Tuesday.
Please spread the word and show your support!
The show is at 9 and tickets are only $7.

"I wear my special parts on the outside."

All of my roommates (and pretty much anyone I know with a uterus) enjoy watching "The Bachelor."

Here's my qeerie: 25 women fighting for the attention of one man in the desperate attempt at matrimony? How is that a tv show? Have these producers even seen what my ward's Linger Longer sessions are? Or FHE? Or an HB party? Or ANY LDS party, for that matter? How is this any different from REAL life, besides the over-processed hair, excess of plastic surgery, runny mascara, and ill-fitting bikinis? PS- I live in Orange County, so...NOTHING. NOTHING is different here.

What's even more alarming is this: I can see myself in one of these girls. Shocking, I know. In the commercial clip, I rolled my eyes in embarrassment at the girl who hopped up and started dancing in front of "The Bachelor" during a party. But then in the full clip, I saw her- a perky little cheerleader who smiles like an idiot, can't stop giggling, and (when asked to) hops up and performs part of her dance routine for him. I hate to admit it. It shames my soul to know the truth, but...I would totally be That Girl. Do I smile constantly? Yes. Giggle at EVERYTHING...Well- when it's funny. And let's face it. That situation of 25 women showing off their "tricks" (like webbed toes) in order to get attention from a man? Hilarious. And sad. But also- hilarious. And if someone asked me to hop up and dance during a party, well...They don't pay me the big bucks for nothin'.

But please. To pass this off as entertainment? Hits a little close to home, people. And when your real reality becomes akin to a reality tv show, that has got to indicate some serious moral values are in the toilet. Along with self-respect, dignity, and self-esteem. And then when a girl has him use her body as wetbar, following up with a very serious, "I'm a Christian and I believe in old-fashioned moral values," followed up by a lapdance and taking her top off...well...I wish I could say I didn't know anyone like that. But the desperation reeks of reality. Of women who cry because they think the man they've met is the ONLY one they want, or who are convinced this is their last shot (when they're 26), or those who are so desperate for attention that they will do anything to get it- even if that means backbiting, stripping down, making a pass too early in the game, or (fill in the blank).

How is it that, after all these years of progress in the Women's Movement and with Women's Rights, we have come full-circle (albeit with degenerative moral values)? How did it happen that women are still made to feel like they are "competition," desperate for the attention of a man they barely even know more of a profile of? I'd almost love the opportunity to be on a show like this, if only to stand up and say, "No. I cannot, in good faith, accept that rose. Because I think you are a white-bread statue with a lot of money and very little character or personality. And I refuse to be put into a competition for your affection with strippers, alcoholics, and desperate gold-diggers. Thanks for the shrimp cocktail."

What would happen to our LDS social scene if every woman stood up and did much the same? If we all said, "I'm sorry- I refuse to take part in this social madness you call a party (or linger longer, or ward activity, etc.) and respectfully request that, if you'd like to get to know me and become REAL friends, spend some one-on-one time with me. Don't facebook/myspace/linkup friend me; forge a real, honest-to-goodness rapport with me through conversation and short-term adventures, as you would devote to any friend you find interesting."

Last night I refused to "stop by and hang out" at a guy's house; when the surrounding 6 women expressed shock that I "don't hang out anymore," one of them laughed and said, "So what? You just date?" And I thought for about 1.2 seconds and answered, "Yes. Yes I do. I date ALL my friends now," explaining that, male and female alike, every actual friend of mine gets exclusive time and attention. Why? Because it shows them they matter to me, that I care about their lives, and that they are special individuals. That time alone together- even when it's a 30 minute jog along PCH or a quick trip to the grocery store together- allows me to get to know them better and then, yes- we really ARE friends. And when we go to parties and see each other, we know better. We're don't feel devalued or desperate for attention. We've already elimiated the competition.

Lord of the Flies.

Or something.You SO want to watch "Kid Nation" and tell me all about it. Something tells me that this isn't going to be quite as gnarly as the book...I can't quite put my finger on it...Maybe the organization...Maybe the 12-year old authorities...hmm...Why do I think they're going to be a liiiittle bit pansy? Why would I think that???
It's a mystery.

Hooray, Hooray-

Rilo Kiley is playing Friday night at the SOMA in San Diego.

Get your ticket and join us.

O Dear...

If this is a career, I am really, really disturbed right now.

Worst job ever? Spill it. Remembering THAT has GOT to make whatever you're doing now sound LOADS better!

Strange.

This reminds me of INXS. Remember that video? Or maybe Michael Jackson's "Black and White," only less scary...
Pivitol.

Why is it "regular people" videos assume that regular people are ugly? I know lots of non-famous people, and they are all attractive. Some are disturbingly photogenic. And those who are regular-looking...well, they're still not this fugly.

myspace

I'm slightly uncomfortable with the amount of personal information available online. People posting "I'm in a relationship," or, "My relationship is complicated," or "I'm single again;"it never fails to shock me that people are broadcasting such personal status- possibly because I'm hardly willing to discuss it even within the relationship itself, let alone to everyone in the e-world. It seems a bit extreme.

With all this TMI floating around, it seems like some people are using it to their advantage. Whether it's self-promotion, validation or desperation...I'm never really quite sure. Either way, it seems unnatural and rather unsatisfying. I've had situations where someone perfectly friendly and fascinating online (even ACTUAL friends) seem almost happier to run home in order to continue our discussion via IM or text, and it confuses me. Since when is constant electronic contact more impressive than actual physical contact?

Call me old fashioned, but I'd rather hold your hand before I exchange e-profiles any day.

Is anyone down for this, post-Conference Saturday night?

Stay Fit.

It's no fad.
We're here to stay.

You wonder where I get such a sleek physique? Well, clearly it's genetic. My people have mastered The Pong for centuries. Through focus, dedication, and a fashion-forward attitude, you too, can achieve excellence.
* Soundtrack from OkGo! Don't worry. There's more to come. Much, much more...

The Age of Innocence.

When I was 13, I met the nicest boy my 13-year old romantic-self could have ever imagined. We spent an amazing week in the historical farmlands of New England, and he inspired me to believe that romance could be real. Then I went back to California and never spoke to him again. For the next 3 years, I idealized him and held fast that romance with a nice guy was worth holding out for. Then I discovered The Romantics. Not the band, mind you. I discovered poetry.

The next logical conclusion for my 16-year old self was to share the beauty of poetry with someone- but who? Well, the nicest guy EVER, of course! The one I had not spoken to for 3 years! I came up with the brilliantly, wildly romantic idea of sending him one poem a day for two weeks, leading up to Valentine's Day. Between Lovelace, Wordsworth and The Beatles, I had plenty of great material. I can still remember some of those poems now (they're good. Really, REALLY good.) What's even better about this story is that when our mutual friend discovered I was the secret admirer, she told me that he was in knots trying to figure out who could be sending him song lyrics and poetry. At the end of the two weeks, he somehow discovered that it was me. I had been utterly convinced that he wouldn't even remember who I was, but when he realized his secret admirer was me, he was- to put it mildly- excited. I can barely remember our telephone conversation that day- only feeling embarrassed at finally being discovered and also thrilled that he was so excited to know I remembered him. I promptly lost all interest afterward (he was on the other side of the country, after all!), but have never lost the thrill of lyricism of great poetry OR the thrill of romancing someone else.

Today, I find that I'm less willing to do something that will make me look vulnerable. Why would I put my soul, or heck! even my Tuesday night on the line, and risk giving a hint that I might be interested in someone before he proves that he's interested in me? What happened? When did romantic gestures become silly, impractical, and risky? Why aren't we more expressive, impulsive, and honest about our feelings? Would it be so terrible if people knew we liked them? Appreciated them? Admired them? And maybe even found them kissable? What are we so afraid of? And don't tell me "rejection;" because really, what's the difference between rejection and being ignored or suffering in silence? Either way, you end up without your paramour. At least by acting on your feelings you can share the thrill of potential magic. Magic. Chemistry. Poetry. It all transforms simple elements into something inspiring, uplifting, and beautiful. Maybe the process is more important than the end result. I still remember the thrill of marking my poetry books and finding the best lyrics far more than the thrill of actually talking to the boy I had used as my standard for romance for 3 years. At the risk of appearing reckless, maybe we should simply throw our romantic gestures out there a little more often and see what magic sticks. Because if chemistry can create a really, really bad smell sometimes, at some point, it's bound to make an amazing explosion. And hopefully, one day, we'll create a spark that lasts a lifetime.

Learn Of Me.

I thought THIS was appropriate for Sunday. Hopefully it will inspire a song in your soul, as it has mine.
Mike is going to hell for sure.

I Concede.

That's it. I give. You win.
The statistics have shown me; there are (on average) over 100 readers from various parts of the country (a few overseas) who check in every day to read Blogg. I am so completely flattered. If you feel even a twinge of what I felt on Fridays when Herb Cain columns were published, you may get some inkling of how excited I am to have other people interested in my writing. You've given me a teeny dream come true, my lovelies. Thank you. Thank you.

The other thing your stats have shown me; you really like what I have to say about the things I actually spend surprising little time actually thinking about. Between polls, general surveys, and responses to postings, it's clear you want to hear more about dating and relationships- and I can't blame you. My goodness, is it interesting. But here's my confession: I don't care. I don't really think much about dating relationships- probably because I'm not superkeen about dating in general and experience has taught me that I am just this side of "too logical" to really think much about "silliness with boys" (as my grandmother says). Plus- as we all are- I'm busy! It's hard coming up with new stuff every day for you to read and not comment on!

Do you know what I think about? All day? Music. Really. Seriously. All day long, I listen to it in-between NPR reports and when I'm getting ready in the morning, and when I get ready for bed at night and everything in-between, I sing to myself. I have been known to sing myself to sleep and have been caught laughing in my dreams. Probably because I'm dancing around in most of them.

So here's the thing, dear loyal, trusted readers- I give. I will give you what you want, but you gotta help me out here. I will still gratuitously post my favourite videos and songs and playlists for beloved iPod, but I want your input, too. Tell me what ails you- what questions do you wish you could ask about relationships, or what stories can you share, or what answers are you looking for? While I don't love twittering about boys in MY life, I LOVE being helpful, and I love being a voice of reason in a world full of finger-pointing and sexist "Mars and Venus" theories. Most of my close girlfriends will admit that they use me as their soundboard when male behavior mystifies me; apparently I think like a man, but thankfully, I can express it as a woman.

So now it's your turn: Tell me what you like. Tell me what you want. Knowing me, knowing you, you'll get whatever you dang well please. Feel free to do as my close friends do, which is email me material, pictures, scenarios, conversation bits, etc. Whenever, whatever. You can reach me here.

*Rhyll asked for a Hello Kitty diamond ring, and what does she get? This is called giving the people what they want. GIVING IT TO YOU EVERY DAY. xoxo, -f.

Good Morning!

Remember how Krista said she wonders what it's like inside my head?
It's kinda like waking up and feeling like this:

Meet Me In The Clouds:

Under the Influence of Giants are playing with The Sounds tonight at The Galaxy in Santa Ana.
Shine your shoes, today. You're gonna dance your pants off tonight.
It'll feel kinda like THIS.

Beauty.

My friend, Chinkara, posted this short this morning...I like what she asks her audience:
In a world where we "put on" different faces, strive to look a certain way, shop to appear a certain style...
Are we a reflection of our culture, or is our culture a reflection on us?
What do you think?
http://imaginingourselves.imow.org/pb/Story.aspx?G=1&C=0&id=1395,,=1

"All this so I can finally find a man who'll love me for who I am."

Career Gal.

In one of my favourite movies, "The Hudsucker Proxy," Jennifer Jason Leigh is described as, "a fast-talking career gal who thinks she's one of the boys." It plays well in the film's nostalgic feel of "His Girl Friday" and Barbara Stanwyck types. Point being that women who choose a career tend to forgo the more feminine aspects of her character. Not to mention forgo their relationships with men in order to better pursue their career in climbing the ladder.

As someone who works really hard and channels a lot of energy and effort into my work, most people are shocked to learn that I have absolutely no career ambitions and no interest in ladders of any kind. Granted, I like what I do, and I'm good at what I do, so I am therefore successful at what I do. I've been blessed with the energy and the time and the work ethic to do well, and I've chosen a job that offers a wise career path for the future of myself and my family. But do I want or expect my career to define who I am? Absolutely not. Just as I don't need a relationship to define myself, nor do I need a career to define myself. But, while I've got the time and the energy, it seems in everyones best interest that I work as hard and as well as I can, while I can. In fact, I've based all my career choices on what will eventually work out best for supporting my family. This translates into a high-pressure environment with high expectations, from both myself and the company.

It was only last week that I called a friend in frustration of all this pressure, asking, "What is it all for? Why are we working so hard?" To which she slyly replied, "I'm actually looking for a new job. This one's not fun." Shocked, I sputtered, "but...You're so good at what you do! You're doing so well!" And she replied, "Yeah. But I don't need to work. My husband does that. If I'm working, it's because I want to. And if I'm not having fun, why not just change jobs?" Her reasoning shattered my mind like lightning. Not once in my life has it occurred to me that I would have a husband to rely upon. Never did it cross my mind that I would not be expected to work. Not once!

In a quick survey of my girlfriends, I was startled to learn I was the ONLY one who expected to work in the future. The only one who did not expect that I would have a husband who would be responsible for supporting my family. In my mind, I suppose I've always been aware that 1) men can leave- either divorce, abandonment, or death are all realities, 2) men can be irresponsible- do I trust that I can depend so completely upon another person that I would leave all responsibility for providing on his shoulders? And then there's always the expectation that I would marry a starving artist somewhere, and I had better be prepared.

If this is the norm, this expectation for men to provide- how do men feel about this responsibility? In their mind, is it just as logical and reasonable an expectation? Is this even fair? Or is fairness irrelevant as it's such a cultural expectation? Is your career something which defines you, or is it a socialized obligation? Am I completely off in thinking that I should expect (or, at least, prepare) to shoulder some part of financial responsibility for our family? I'm not talking traditional gender role expectations. I'm talking YOU. I'm talking, is this what YOU want, as a man? And if your fantasy is holding a good job so your wife can stay home with the kids, does that dream satisfy you and does it define who you are? Or is it simply that you want to work, and women just...don't?

I am SO interested to hear what you all have to say about this...

Coupling.

And here's why I love Darin & Liz so much...
Our answer back to the article from yestarday.

Ellen, Wolf, and Jill.

So, anyone who knows Chappie from DC will appreciate this. And yes. She really IS spunky. AND is one of the biggest Ellen fans EVER.

Femininity.

True conversation:

He: You need to be more feminine. A man likes to be around a woman who is, well; a little more vulnerable. He wants to know that you need him.
Me: But do I need a man?
He: (laughing) That's a very good question.

So is that what I'm to believe? Is my femininity determined by someone else's masculinity? In which case, why should I be expected to lower my abilities in order to allow someone else to supersede my own virtues? Isn't it fair to say, if my femininity is so important, that it's okay for me to expect someone to be more "masculine"- more independent, more self-sufficient, more caring, more compassionate, more intelligent, more successful, more outgoing, more capable than I am at my best?

This isn't the first time I've been warned about being "too independent." It was, however, the first time it was point-blank suggested to me that I act as though I weren't. I'm not into deception. I don't manipulate, hide, or pretend. It's just too much effort. And I consider it lying. Another thing I don't advocate; not even in the slightest. But maybe it's time to humble myself and fact the facts; men don't like a woman who is too independent. Now, I've been 100% on my own and responsible for myself (and at times, others) since I was 16. So we're kidding ourselves to think I can't do this on my own. The real question is, to me...Do I WANT to do this all on my own? No. I don't. *

I don't need someone to coddle me, pacify me, or provide for me. I don't need someone to depend upon financially, emotionally, socially, or even psychologically. But do I want to give everything that I am to better someone else's life; and thereby raise a good family? Do I want to work with someone else toward a common goal and accomplish a life that is greater outside myself? Do I want to understand what it's like to be willing to sacrifice everything for someone else's sake? To truly understand what real, eternal, Christlike love is? Absolutely.

So may I ask a favor of you all? May I ask that, ladies, you not pretend to be less than you are to find acceptance, and gentlemen, that you not require us to. I think we'll all be more fulfilled in the end by recognizing ourselves as complete persons who are not so much made whole by another, but made stronger and better than we were on our own.

* You'll have to forgive the video. It was just too funny for me to resist. And somehow, I completely relate to her...The lyrics to the song are actually quite good...

WHAT a DEAL.

Sorry, ladies. Looks like the rumors are true about Wentworth. I would've called that from the kiss with Sara on the train. It was like watching two girls. (shudder.)
Here's some info to help ease your pain-
If you're in Orange County- there's a new dental office on Beach and Adams in Huntington and they're offering FREE tooth-whitening services.
And for everyone else- this is a little late, but...if you can-
Walgreen's is offering FREE ink cartridges in exchange for your old ones. True story.

Too Smart for Marriage.

When I was little and made little girl assumptions about things, my mom would always say, "it's a good thing you're smarter than everyone else, isn't it?" It was a lesson in sarcasm and humility all in one. (Good one, Mom.) Today I think it's about the same...Maybe it's just human nature to believe we're doing what's right, and it must be everyone else who's a little bit misguided. In any case, many people tell me the reason I'm still single is not (as Anonymous so delicately pointed out) because I'm not "do-able, but because I simply haven't met the right man yet. Which always sounds like a cop-out, but out of the mouth of multiple witnesses? I suppose that could be true. Additional explanations offered by others? I move too often, travel too much, I'm too independent and too smart. Yes. I've been told I'm too smart for marriage. More than once. (I got that one a lot at BYU. Which was particularly cruel, since I went to BYU in order to get even smarter. O, the Burn..) Even by the father of someone I was dating. Seriously.

I had always believed that the general consensus on delaying marriage was because of the increase in education (it's much the reason for delay in child-bearing, after all). Then, Kory sends me this article this morning, telling me it reminds her of Blogg. The article suggests that it is an across the board delay- that whether people are educated, well-traveled or not, they are not hitching their wagons before 30 the way they were even just 5 years ago! It's not because we're too SMART for marriage- we're just not committing via matrimony anymore! It has less to do with education, intelligence, careers, etc. as it does to do with the lack of morality, cohabitation, and "Sex & The City" selfish-lifestyle living choices.

This isn't justifying anyone or anything...Nor am I saying that I am too good for marriage or that I don't want an eternal relationship one day. But I will say this. I was too smart to marry any of those schlumpy guys I had dated. I have traveled a lot. And I'm grateful and thankful for those experiences and places I have lived. I love that I had such an amazing opportunity as to start my own business, that I was blessed with the abundant energy to work as hard as I have and that I have had the freedom to develop my intelligence and relationships and friendships.

Now, maybe I can be ready for something more. And now I'll find someone who's smart enough to find and marry me.

Man-Meat.

In preparation for Season 3 of Prison Break, I am marathoning the newly released Season 2 (available at Costco for $35). After hours and hours of programming, I am left with one statement, and one statement alone:

Lincoln Burrows, you have my heart.

I love that you refuse to button your shirt, regardless of what you're wearing. That even your t-shirts are v-neck so that I can behold your man-cleavage. Bless your soul, Lincoln Burrows. BLESS YOU.
*This video clip has some spoilers, so you may want to watch the brothers fight in silence.
And because I know you want it:

The ladies always appreciate a little eye-candy. But I hear that they read it for the articles.

SOLUTION~

Ladies, I have a solution! All your dreams are answered HERE.
WOW.
I just took the free compatability test, and found my perfect match- and since it's totally based on science, I KNOW this is The One! He's even FRENCH!!!
* Thanks for the tip, Caroline. I owe you. Big time.

Now & Zen

Dang, do I wish I lived in San Francisco! As if THESE GIRLS (and Paul) weren't enough to make me miss home, my favourite morning show has tickets for THIS on sale for only $20! $20 for Joss Stone...Joss is AAAAhhhhMazing. Definitely go if you live around there.

In fact...if anyone down here wants for a roadtrip...I make an excellent travel companion and my roadtrip cds are classic acquisitions.

Selling the Dream.

"At least when you're in your twenties, you can still sell the dream. 'I want to be a doctor. I want to write a book. I want to travel.' Today it's, 'I'm 33 and an accountant I'm overweight and I'm kinda bald.' There's no dream left to sell."
-On getting a girl to commit is easier the younger a man is.

A lot can be said for taking a good, honest look at who you are today. Your expectations, your goals, and reassessing everything that you're doing (or not doing) to work toward that goal. On the flip side, a girlfriend said the following:
"I have this nightmare. I wake up Christmas morning and I'm 45 and alone and still in my parent's house." We laughed, but she followed her confession with, "It's not that far off. It's only 15 years away, and I remember where I was 15 years ago. Vividly. And it doesn't feel that long ago."

So here's what the last 15 years have done for me:
I am way more attractive than I was 15 years ago. I know how to do my hair (or rather, I actually DO my hair now). I wear clothes that actually fit me (for the most part). I shave my legs. I wear makeup. I exercises. I can run several miles without stopping. I'm not afraid of people anymore. I've left the country several times now, and I really really love that. I know how to snowboard. I've been wakeboarding, waterskiing, and deep sea fishing. I am a godmother to my friend's amazing adorable children. I've lived alone. I've lived with roommates. I have a college degree and have taken graduate courses and loved it. I have email. I have a cell phone. I can cook chicken. I own my own car. And I look forward to going home with one man, instead of ditching the one I'm with to hang out with my friends.

If that's what the last 15 years have done for me, I can't wait to find out what happens over the next 15. Forget selling a dream. I want to live it.