My computer is dead-dead-deadsville and I've been leeching off of the kindness of those who are well-endowed with MACs the last few months. I know it's necessary to get a new computer, but this is an agonizing and utterly confusing situation for someone who can barely even turn the damned thing ON, let alone make choices involving gigs, killahbites, REM, RAM or external hard-drives (isn't that why we have INternal ones?)
In any case, considering how painful a shopping experience for something like shoes or price comparison shopping my blueberries (Costco vs Farmer's Market vs Trader Joes? WHO KNOWS?!?) and minor details like running shorts (if I have one pair I got 10 years ago for $8 and they still work- even if there's paint stains and holes in them- do I really NEED a new set?), choosing a computer is like asking me to perform brain surgery when I'm already hyperventilating into a paper bag due to the smells and sounds of the O.R.
People are IN TENSE about their computers. Maybe that is why they are referred to as "PCs." (Personal Computers, for those of you like me. Wait- that is what it means, right?) Anyway. You can imagine my brain is about as shredded as my computer's failed hard-drive. Although, apparently, it's not the hard-drive but some other component that has been chock full of viruses- not from downloading mind you (I only just learned how to shop on iTunes last year), but just from being on the internet. I'm not looking at things beyond my bank and google and gmail, so where are these little bastards coming from and why are they infiltrating my sweet, harmless, aging computer system? WHY?!?!
And who ARE these losers making up new viruses anyway? Seriously? THIS is what you're doing with your time? Not stealing from me, or spying on the blog I'm already publishing anyway, but just ruining a computer that you will not make any gains for when I purchase a replacement part? Get out of your mom's basement and get an f*ing TAN, you loser. I'm rather fond of nerds, but YOU, sir, are crapsville. YOU are mean, spiteful, and don't even have a purpose for doing the work that you do. Good grief! WHY?!?! You could probably disassemble all the nuclear bombs in the world and create world peace through increased communications throughout the world. And what are you doing with your brilliance? Freakin' creating wormholes in MY computer that maybe can upload pictures when I hit the right combinations of buttons by accident.
In any case. I need a new computer now. I've made my peace over the dearly departed. Whom, I should mention, was mostly useless anyway, seeing as I used to have to turn it on, walk away and brush my teeth, load a page and then do my hair, return to send an email, get dressed while it's sent...and so on. Maybe it was Miss Dell that was the problem to begin with. Maybe I SHOULD hook up with hipster-in-cords-MAC. All of my friends think so. But what kind of girl would I be, just hooking up with MAC because everyone ELSE likes him? He can do way more than I'll ever be able to figure out. I know Dell. I know the way it works. Load up and walk away. He just needs some space in our relationship. I get that. I'm independent. I get it. I mean, isn't it enough that I'm willing to upgrade to a laptop so I can take my computer out once and a while? I'll be just like Sandra Bullock on The Net. Laying out and getting a laptop-tanline. It'll be dreamy.