Lately- not so much.
Let's just say that, as much as I abhor the concept of a "diet" or food restrictions of any kind (mostly as my upheld fist against the idealist-establishment of modern beauty), I think I am going to have to stop forcing myself to eat all the goodies and treats at all these events and parties and girl's nights out because IT IS MAKING ME SICK.
I'm not kidding.
And I'm absolutely horrified at the reality, but, lately, whenever I have a bit of cake or a few cookies or maybe a night of Charlie's Angels accompanied by chips, salsa, queso and a pazookie (par example) has me doubled over the next 24 hours- at some point I need to admit that the joke of little me eating an entire pizza for show just isn't funny anymore.
Goodbye old me.
I guess I really AM just cut out to be a lot healthier than I'd like to be.
My condolences to those of you who looked to me to break the first cookie, eat more than you so you wouldn't feel bad, or tell you it's okay to break your diet and have a little cheese on your quesadilla already. You were what drove me, much of the time, to eat in order to liberate you from your own guilt. Unfortunately, my stomach can no longer carry your food-esteem. But let me leave you with this note:
- You are still beautiful. And interesting. And intelligent. And accomplished. Regardless of if you have that piece of cake or not.
- You are lucky to be part of the 10% of the world that is not starving, let alone have the luxury (for it IS a luxury) to have dessert with your dinner. Or have it count AS dinner.
- Your body is strong. Regardless of that 5 or 10lbs you're stressing over. The numbers on the scale are not your identity. You can run. You can walk uphill. You can carry your own bags and not fall over from exhaustion. See an anorexic do THAT.
- You can respect yourself without feeling guilty. Whether that means having a cookie because, hey! Cookie!, or not- because you just don't feel like it today and you know you can always have one tomorrow if you like. Your choices are your own. Your actions are your own. And this body of yours loves you just as much as you love it.
- You are one of the elite. You have a computer. You are literate. You can get a job and earn money if you want it. You have food on the table if you want it. You are incredibly lucky, by the world's standards. What you choose to do with that gratitude is up to you, but please, don't waste it by starving yourself or making yourself feel guilty because you're not. You are so much more than what you're putting into your mouth.
- Finally, please. Please. Stop whining at the table in front of others. (If you're that one.) When you talk about how fat you are or about how you're breaking your diet or how guilty you feel, you unconciously imply that those who DO choose to eat are somehow doing something wrong. Which is odd, considering you both chose to sit down at the same dinner table together. Please. If you can't be considerate to yourself, at least be concious enough to be considerate to others.
Live it up.