Wednesday, March 7, 2007

"I just wish you were a better singer."

I'm mean. Because I agree with Simon Cowell. Not even agree. Most of the time, I make a comment and then Simon repeats my opinion. The man is dead on. People would do well to quit their pandering and whining and sloppy sob stories and just accept that at least SOMEONE is being honest with them. I commend the guy. He's honest, and he's right, and the fact he's willing to take two minutes to even acknowledge these "contestants" as vocalists- well- they'd be wise to take notes, not start crying.
  • Contestant #1- No. You're not special. In fact, you're anorexic and we can all see that because you can barely hold up the mic and your body looks about ready to crumple to the floor at any moment. How do you expect to keep up a demanding tour schedule or long rehersals or singing a 4 minute song without collapsing if you don't eat something?

  • Contestant #2- Look, Pedro. No one is gonna vote for you until you get a haircut and learn to sing. It's not your fault that you're insecure because you look like the love child of Prince and Micheal Jackson and will never experience puberty. You have nice teeth, but you ain't gonna be NOBODY's "Idol."

  • Contestant #3- If you don't stop crying, I'm gonna give you something to cry about. Do you think Madonna cried when people didn't like her outfit? Was Elvis pretty bummed when he realized he was fat? Do you think the Beatles cried when people kept harassing them about breaking up or dying? Maybe they did cry- but for goodness sake, they didn't make expect their fans to like them because they were being pathetic. They had actual fans because they made awesome music. If you're going to make it in this industry- in any industry!- you have got to toughen up! And relying on your grandma's sob story? That's just pathetic.
  • Whoever told you that hat was acceptable is not your friend. You look like an alien. Or Powder. Please. Just stop making eyes at the camera. It's not working for you.

The fact is, (as is with any "reality competition") you can tell right off the bat who will be in the Top 10- nay- the Top 5. The rest of you are just filling airtime between commercials. In the real world of auditions, you're lucky if the judges even let you finish. And no, they're not about to take the time to give you feedback OR a second chance. Take that reality.

* I hate reality television. And American Idol is an insult to kareoke.
**This is the girl who will win Idol. I don't remember her name, but she has no neck and is adorable.


3 comments:

HannaHighpoint said...

I've been saying this for years!

The black women in this competition will kill all the rest.

f*bomb. said...

You mean because they're the only ones with legitimate talent, or do you mean that literally...

meh. What do I care. I'm not watching and I'm not voting. But I say you and I kill it next Kareoke Friday. We shall be a force to be reckoned with!

Katie Rose said...

i agree 100% with your wise words...this cracked me up