Sunday, March 4, 2007

Twin Beds = Celibate Men

It's not just true on "I Love Lucy." If a man is sharing a room and sleeping in a twin bed, one things is for certain: That guy is not getting laid.

Katie and I were talking the other night about men and twin beds, and she said, "There are only 3 times when a man should be sleeping in a twin bed and sharing a room. When he's a little boy, when he's on a mission, and when he's in college. But that is it. There is no reason for a man to be 30 and in a twin bed, still sharing a room." To which I proceeded to illustrate that two best friends (men), used to work for the same company, share the same room, and slept in...BUNK BEDS. I won't even get into the matching company cars and sync'd Milli Vanilli soundtracks. In any case, raised eyebrows at work aside, neither one got married until AFTER they'd moved away from each other and got queens. They're now married with kids and definately not gay.
Now, I recognize that (due to a little something called "morality"), NONE of us are getting any. However, the point is, that until you get out on your own, little soldier, and get a bed big enough for the both of us; no self-respecting woman is going to bed with a man who still lives like a boy.

Conclusion: If you are a man and are still sleeping in a twin bed and sharing a room, the chances of you getting a woman in there are about as good as Ricky Ricardo's. And that guy was already married.

15 comments:

Nate said...

ummm.... when you say "got queens", you mean they got boyfriends right?

luckily there are plenty of non self respecting girls to give them action...who says they were looking for self respect in the first place...

SHAEmless said...

ahhhh this is a refreshing little insight that seems to ring true. and makes me chuckle within and without. i'm going to lobby to get farrah on the text Tourgasm with Dane Cook. it needs a mormon . . .with irish and other, uh, ethnic roots . . . what if i have a queen but it's an aero-bed and on th floor? --c'mon, i just moved again and i'm in the market for a good bed. plus i've got this great nautica down comforter and duve. ask me for pictures. or come over and see me . . .in dallas.

k8 said...

seriously though, nothing makes my heart go pitter patter like a boy who owns a grownup bed. that is a man with plans to USE it.

f*bomb. said...

Nate- The original draft explained "they got queens- beds AND women," so thank you for recognizing their amazing spouses.
Personally, I find a twin bed sort of cute. As I do puppies and small children. Do I curl up by them occasionally? Of course. Do I want them to kiss me? I think, "hmmm...probably sloppy."

heatherlynn said...

farrah, you are awesome! this is great.

i had the opportunity to do some cuddlin' with a man the other night that earlier in the eve had mentioned something about his queen size bed. hint? maybe. did i spend the night in it? nope. but i DID take notice to what he had said and i liked thinking about how comfy that bed would be...

farrah said...

1. The fact Shae-dy knew what a duvet is- I'm already impressed. Now there is a man who can take care of himself like a grown-up.
2. Nice work, HL. As Katie says, "there is a man who plans to USE it." Maybe not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day. And for the rest of our lives!!!

Maggie said...

I am loving the blog and agree about the twin bed thing--- except that my sister and I shared a bunk bed in our late teens/early twenties because we were scared of sleeping by ourselves in the basement. True story.

louisgray said...

Now Farrah, you could use that Twin Bed knowledge to your advantage. You could help one lucky guy graduate, or you could simply utilize that detail to understand which "men" were active or... not.

Now that you've figured out the knowledge, put the plan in action.

rhyll said...

i feel like this title is misleading. twin beds do not, in fact, = celibacy, but more sharing a room = celibacy. if anyone knows about this from personal experience, its me.

rhyll said...

i feel like this title is misleading. twin beds do not, in fact, = celibacy, but more sharing a room = celibacy. if anyone knows about this from personal experience, its me.

f*bomb. said...

Rhyll- I don't think you need to worry about sharing a room, or even twin beds, so much as having to tell your best friend to scoot over every night. In YOUR case, bunk beds MIGHT be a better idea...

The illustrious Louis Gray makes a comeback! It is an honour, Dear Sir. For the rest of you- stand up and take note- Louis Gray is the figurehead of a man who truly understands and values womanhood. And yes, his wife is spectacular.

Andrea said...

OH MY GU-U-U-UUUUUDNESS! Tell it like it is sista! I am feeling you on the twin beds thing. There is just something intrinsically wrong with a 30 year old who sleeps in a twin bed and shares a room with another "buddy". All I know is if Buddy #1 brings me home to both his and Buddy #2's room... even if Buddy #2 has stepped out for the night and both twins are free... I am getting the hell out of there...And I mean pronto!

Mr Rose said...

Ok I checked out your blog. I still sleep in a twin bed. I like to think it keeps me chaste. Is that a good or a bad thing? Alas, your blog has rewired my brain and I've decided to buy a bigger bed.

Dubious Brown said...

this post has been forwarded more times than you'll ever know!

f*bomb. said...

O, Brown! That just warms my little heart right on up. Here's to getting some--- new beds!
And for the record...I'm in a queen...