Lunch with my manager:
B: Are you dating anyone?
B: There's no drama if there's no relationship, right?
F: True 'dat. (pause.) Actually, I never have drama...I don't think...Ever. huh.
B: You are low-drama. But it's probably because you never really cared about them anyway, so you'd rather not deal with it. Because when you care enough about someone, everything becomes drama! If you don't care what they're doing or who they're with, it's because deep down inside, you don't really care about them.
F: You are a genius.
He continued to explain that there were only two women he ever had drama with; his first love, and his wife. He explains that a loving relationship is constant drama because he cares so much about what she does and what she needs, her wants become his wants. He wants to change for her- he wants to become a better person, because it will make him happy when she is happy. Her actions become his cause for reaction, and vice versa.
Now, in my mind, that's called, "dependence," and it's unhealthy behavior to base your feelings on someone else's actions. However, at this particular moment during this particular lunch, he seemed to made perfect sense to me. Perhaps real love does require a certain level of emotional interdependence- and maybe that's a good thing. Perhaps that's why people say that you hurt the ones you love (another theory I always hated- I mean, if you care, why don't you just try harder to be more considerate?). Anyway, my manager described the amount of concern he had for his wife, where she was, who she was with, what she was doing, when she would get back...The idea has always been completely unappealing to me. Where is the trust? The confidence in your relationship? The faith in one another? But hearing him describe it, this kind of drama sounded like the most desirable thing in the world.
Perhaps this has been my mistake! I avoid drama by either giving up or giving in or folding, or doing whatever it takes to make sure my other half is happy and unfettered by cares. Or at least by the ones in my control. But maybe I'm sending all the wrong messages by shielding them from complication. Maybe I'm saying that I don't give a rat's because I don't care about him- when really, I'm trying to display confidence, faith, and trust! If I am feeling stifled when someone attempts this type of interdependence with me, maybe that's because I don't really like the guy as much as I thought. Maybe I'll feel differently when I actually meet someone I love. And then I'll get on to starting fires for him to put out...