How many chances does someone get with you?
Mine is one, maybe two actual dates.* If, by the second date, I want to hit him in the head with a brick to get him to STOP TALKING, or I fall asleep in the middle of the date (it's happened twice), OR I feel like I should be getting paid hourly for providing company (again- twice), I just never go out with him again. Somebody recently expressed surprise that I "only" give a guy one or two dates before writing them off. I credit this process of elimination due to my well-honed personality. That is to say, I know who I am and I know what I like and I know what I'm looking for, so baby, I know when you ain't it. That is also to say that the men with whom I do allow progression with are men that I feel real, actual chemistry and intellectual stimulation with- so dating in general is a real joy (when I let it happen).
As one of my recent first dates approached me, I thought, "He's not as cute as I remember him." Less than 2 minutes later, I remembered exactly why I had been so excited to go out with him to begin with- even though I didn't find him remotely attractive, there was something about his demeanour that told me he was going to be my new BFF. And within 10 minutes of our first date, I was completely enveloped by how much fun I had with him and how well we connected. What a relief to meet someone who didn't make me feel like I had to carry the entire conversation! Someone who felt deeply, was passionate, and who wasn't afraid to look foolish! I was in stitches most of the night, and we flowed so easily from insane humor to spiritual matters to intellectual pursuits. It was nearly impossible that night to not kiss him, and just as difficult for us to finally end our date and part ways. We dated for a few months. Most of the relationships I've had began with such a story- initial physical attraction was rarely there, but it took next to no time to know we would get along just fine, and in a few minutes more, it was easy to see that this would be someone I wanted to know inside and out.
Now, am I wrong here? Should those less-than mediocre dates get more than one shot? Once I had a bishop tell me, "Farrah, you've got to fill your canteen!" and then continue to encourage me to date boys I didn't like, "for the practice." I thought his advice was rather cruel, as it would be selfish and rude for me to feign interest over someone "for the free dinner." The entire concept is unappealing to me. But he did have a good 30 years of experience over me. So what do you think? Would you rather have someone who didn't really like you continue to give you a chance to win them over, or is that very concept you should have to try and win someone over as unappealing to you as it is to me? This whole "chemistry" thing weighs in very heavily with me, and I tend to follow that instinct above all else. But maybe I'm wrong. I always thought I was being kind by not wasting anyone's time, but maybe that's why I'm the one who's still single...
* I clarify by noting "actual dates," since most dates for many people come from a round or two of meeting and hanging out with mutual friends preceding an actual date.