What do you think of when you hear the word, "picky"? It's a synonym for "finicky," so the first thing that comes to mind are skittery cats. Next: gay men.
Pickiness is one of THE top deal-breaking qualities a man can possess. Want to immediately turn me off? Tell me you're "really picky." Gag. At the risk of him becoming incredibly hurt, offended, and/or defensive, I report the following interaction:
He: I'm just really picky.
Me: That's incredibly unattractive.
He: You wouldn't think that if you were the one I was dating.
Me: Really? You don't think so?
He: Wouldn't you feel flattered if you knew that of the 1% of women I was attracted to, you were it?
Me: Actually, I am naturally suspicious of men who like me based upon my looks.
Why? Because if someone's priority of who they're with is based upon what she looks like, I can promise you, boyfriend isn't playing with a full deck (or at least a full future) in mind. Picky men=DEAL BREAKER. If a man is picky over food, it's irritating. Picky over his appearance, it's effeminate (and usually expensive and high-maintenance). When he's picky over a woman- it really means he's not thinking rationally.
Most men I know are good people. At the core, I think they really do want a good, solid marriage, children, etc. etc. But when those "really good guys" go about finding their other half by being overly "picky," it completely mystifies me. It's not a showboat beauty contest! It's not a competition or a list of pros and cons! True, lasting compatibility is special and rare because it's NOT based upon superficial benchmarks or criteria- it's developed by knowing who you are and what qualities your partner will balance you out with so you can both grow to becoming better people. Not choosing one girl over another because you don't like her hair colour or her freckles or her bra size? Details. Mere trifles. The minor details? That's exactly what they are- MINOR. Will she look this good in 10 years, after she's had 3 or 4 of your kids? Well- probably not. Will that matter if the reason you chose to be with her to begin with was not based upon superficial criteria, but elements of compatibility, mutual respect and admiration, intelligence, and spiritual goals? Something tells me that those relationships built beneath the surface might maybe last longer than your midlife crisis.
"But I have to be ATTRACTED to her!" I hear this all the live-long day. Duh. Let me ask you this, Sherlock; what is more attractive to you- a plastic doll that's constructed exactly as you'd always imagined with a resume of credentials and laundry list of features you'd always dreamed of? Or a real live woman with opinions and ideas and passions who *ring-a-ding-ding!* values and appreciates YOU for all of YOUR internal qualities? Grow up. A woman you can admire and look up to because she is your match- well, that's about to say a whole lot about what kind of man you are. When an intelligent, self-made woman says she respects you, it really means something! Because you know what? She's not with you because you have a certain job that will buy her a certain toy or ring or cosmetic procedure; she doesn't need you for that! She's with you because, even when you're at your worst, she sees who you are underneath the ups and downs- she can see into your core and she respects and appreciates and values everything- EVERYTHING- you have to offer the world because she knows who you are inside and she treasures and champions that man you are becoming. Now, doesn't THAT sound attractive?
The true measure of a man is not what woman is hanging on his arm, but what woman stands beside him, equal in measure to everything he holds dear. THAT would be the real trophy. Don't be picky. Just choose wisely.