We could all do with a little more heterosexuality.
The other week I watched these amazing, talented, sexy, beautiful Polynesian women perform their traditional dances. At certain points, the audience was encouraged to approach the stage and tuck money into their dresses, to encourage and reward them for their dancing. No one moved. I grew embarrassed as their grandfather and other family members were the only ones to get into the spirit of the dance. Mind you, it was in a church- this was not dirty dancing- this was traditional Polynesian dancing. The whole family was involved...Including the grandmother!
So why are we so afraid of a little sensuality? Isn't it a pretty essential part of life (and, ps- the BEST part of being human, as well as- doctrinally, if you're LDS- essential to the gospel)?
My big kick lately has been that I'm "quitting life and moving to Australia!" The first reaction to that statement this afternoon was, "but aren't they pretty sexist over there?" To which I thought, "Yes. Yes, I have heard they are. But you know? I think we could do well with a little more sexism!" Not the abusive, condescending sexism, of course, but the don't-be-afraid-to-stand-up-and-be-a-man kind of attitude. Is it wrong for a man to admire a woman and appreciate her for being a woman? I mean, even if our good men of today were just ONE OUNCE more "sexist," perhaps they'd cowboy up a little bit more, be a little more brave, and a little more direct, and ask out the ladies just a little more often. In this Christian culture, I'm seeing a lot of traditionalist values and expectations in gender roles, but not a whole lot of action. EITHER KIND of action! I'm seeing women using men for one-night-stands and men ignoring women to hang with the boys. What the hell happened here? I'm so confused. And I'm a feminist!
So again, I ask you: What is so wrong with a little heterosexuality?
*But what do I know? I'm just a gay man.
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31 comments:
if Footloose (yes, i know it was filmed in Lehi) is your idea of the pinnacle of masculine heterosexuality, i'm really sorry for you. now i'm not knocking Footloose, it holds a special place in my heart among early 80's movies with theme music (although it's no Megaforce).
Like I said, not so deep down inside, I think I might be a gay man.
i'm real glad you figured out how to add videos. i don't think i would've understood your views on sexuality without that kevin bacon clip ;) really though- i could sure use some sort of tractor races at my house
wow, the lyrics to that song are really, really awesome.
"where's the street-wise hercules..."
"...isn't there a white night upon fiery steed"
i mean seriously!
and that chick's mom jeans also rule.
I got sidetracked from your message for the karaoke version of the tune at its end. I almost started singing.
Cowboy up, indeed.
Farrah,
We just had an enrichment activity where we learned to hula dance. So maybe it's the social climate of the location.
The whole putting money in the dancers skirts aside (seems a little too stripper-like) I think it's more an issue of context. The context being they performed at church. For performing arts in a church setting, I don't believe people anticipate paying, unless they specifically mention on the invite or announce prior to the event that they appreciate you buying tickets, or that it is a fundraiser. If I am understanding the situation, it seems more a function of etiquette than LDS aversion to sensuality.
That and LDS people are cheap. They have kids to feed and tithing to pay and checks to split between 7 people on one Pizookie, two diet cokes, and 8 waters... You know how it is.
=)
Tell 'em sister! I could def use a man in my life that has a little larger kahona's then the ones I've been meeting lately...
I'm glad that all the men could comment on was footloose, and not one could comment on the core of your message, which was BRILLIANT.
I'm currently dating a "non-member". After this experience, I don't know how I'm going to go back to dating LDS priesthood holders. Ultimately because he treats me better than any Mormon has ever treated me before in my entire life. He's a MAN. Where did we go wrong? Where did the mother's of the church go wrong? Or is it that we're left with the leftovers? He follows the three P's. Elder Oaks would give him an award. He should teach classes. Is it because he's not jaded? I can't explain it. BRING BACK traditional gender roles.
My Aunt actually gave me an explanation of why she thinks we started getting into the habit of guys not paying for dates or asking out - the recession of the late 80's early 90's where men were discouraged to take girls on dates because of monetary reasons. Girls would go dutch. Those days are over. Quit tightening your purses and take some action cheapies.
bree, who are these guys that ask a girl out and then expect her to pay for herself? and why aren't you ladies putting them on some sort of dating black list? but of course i had to comment on footloose because it's one of the least masculine movies of all time (not a knock, just ironic that farrah chose it). but i hear your complaints about other guys. that might explain why almost all of my friends these days are women (with a couple of guys thrown in the mix).
i will say that i think what we're seeing as a generation is the direct result of the church's "non-serious group dating" policy that gets hammered into people's heads when they are young and just starting dating. i saw lots of people engage in nothing but frivolous activities and relationships with members of the opposite sex in the interest of not getting serious. of course, i went out and dated one girl for most of my pre-mission dating career so clearly i ignored that guidance. and you know full well that i'm all about the 3 p's. as rob base once told us, it takes two... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy1BmQNMSTg
Farrah, that the excuse of every man who has ever been slapped with a sexual harassment suit.
"since when is it a crime to tell my secretary that she has nice knockers?"
Farrah, this is why I love you so much. I found that weird too - the whole dancing/money thing. Especially when some guy from the audience finally did go up and the grandpa gave him a dirty look. What was that about?
seymour i agree with you. you can't hammer it into people for years and years that they should only date in groups and never be serious and then the day they get back from their missions be all surprised that they are totally clueless as to how to close the deal with a girl.
no wonder non-members come out looking so much better, they've had years and years more practice.
all i know is that asserting my manhood seems like it is a mixed blessing. in the past few weeks i have been both complimented and criticized for it, i realize it may always be so.
men ARE simple creatures, with surprisingly fragile egos.
if you are one of the many whom assert that LDS men have failed you, don't be shocked when they don't beat down your door to prove you wrong, you've made up your mind, how likely are you to change it. really?
for better or worse, i own my assertions and assumptions, do you?
Whoah.
It fascinates me how individual interpretations are drawn from experiences. I'm not saying this has ANYTHING to do with financial support, traditional gender "roles," and certainly this is not a call for sexual harassment or the degradation of women! Nor is this anything to do with Kevin Bacon (sorry to disappoint- it was more the words to the song I was interested in).
Mostly I'm just saying that if men want things to happen, maybe they should be the ones to get up and MAKE it happen, instead of sitting back and allowing themselves to be acted upon. It seems like men today are afraid to be perceived as being attracted to a woman, and I'm wondering how that happened to us. When did it not become okay to be a man?
I'm betting that if more guys would man up and be that "hero," they'd have more women appreciate and value them for strength of character, as opposed to getting criticized so much for sitting back in their lazyboys and waiting for the Relief Society to bring them brownies. And that would make everyone a lot happier.
almost put this in my first post, feminism was a good thing once upon a time but true modern feminism no longer strives for equality, but female superiority, it asserts, among other things, that for a man to ever make a woman happy he must feel, emote and communicate (act) like a woman, we've actually been discussing this at length in my sociology class. i can give citations if necessary ;)
this has a lot to do with gender roles, and it has a lot to do with the fact that for men here in the greater orange county area, to borrow a phrase from a discussion i had at church yesterday, "getting a cute girl here is kinda like shootin' fish in a barrel."
the fact of the matter is that we can whine all day about boys not acting enough but we all know that when he sees one he really likes, most boys actually do pull their shiz together and ask that girl out. would we all like to see more casual dating to get to know each other? sure. but i suppose there is also comfort in knowing that when you REALLY do it for someone, he'll get it done.
I think it speaks a lot to our understanding of gender roles and our chivalrous nature that we sit around week after week and listen to you tell us that we're pussies who won't "ball up and be real men", and that is the reason that we (both us males and you females) are still single. That's fine, we'll take the blame, because we're gentlemen. Or maybe we should be more traditional and give you a good slap (and send you off to the kitchen to bake a pie).
All I'm saying is, go hang out in front of the SLC temple on a weekend. People are pairing up. A lot. People with a lot less going for them than all of you. All of the girls who've commented on this blog are very do-able, so the problem isn't that you are "sweet-spirits". Possible that you've just been cursed to only meet pussies your entire 25-30 years on the planet? I guess. But maybe we aren't the only obstacle. We all should introspect a little.
i like you anonymous. the blame game doesn't really solve anything does it?
Yeah, well, I like you too. I opted to post anonymously this time because 1) I have absolutely no credibility on this topic 2) anonymous posts are more inflammatory, and I like stirring the pot.
You can probably guess who I am,k8, and if you do, I'll give you a prize.
i'm a terrible guesser so we'll just let you be anonymously insightful.
I don't like The Blame Game, either, folks. By no means am I trying to point the finger...or stir a pot (I'm not in the kitchen, pregnant...well- I'm usually barefoot, but. Whatever.)
Point being- It felt like the men felt embarassed or even ashamed to be attracted to these women...As if they had been conditioned to feel guilty for being MEN. I'm saying that I'm all for it. Not traditional gender roles, nor sexism, objectification or prejudice; simply that I don't think men should be ashamed of being attracted to women (as it seemed to be that night)- they shouldn't need to apologize for being men.
Aaand- Resume.
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