Monday, August 6, 2007

Midnight Caller.

Question: What is it that everybody has, and some pirates and thieves try to take?
Da BOOTY.

Last weekend, I got a booty text (one sad long step lazier than the booty call). Confused, and slightly alarmed, I never responded. But I'd be lying to say I hadn't been tempted. While a booty call like that goes against my inner grain, sense of morality, and integrity (as he's not exactly someone I would date or be seen having much of a conversation with), he's attractive. More than that, while we're not remotely intellectually, spiritually, or even personally compatible, the physical attraction is definitely there. It's carnal. And I'm okay with admitting that.

So what IS so wrong with a booty call? It's not like I'd be using him just for his body. He's nice. And I like him. He's really talented. And let's not forget the silk sheets factor. And we have tried going out on actual dates more than a few times, although sporadically. I suppose the only thing really keeping me out of that bed around midnight is the hope that I'll meet someone who I respect. A whole lot. Enough to get me to stay out of the arms, lips, and sheets of a guy that I know I have no future with. What I'm starting to wonder is...Would this guy I'm holding out for even care? I mean, let's say there IS a Mr Wonderful around the corner. Who's to say he'd care if I have a purely physically affectionate relationship tiding me over on the side until? I'd always assumed it would be a reflection of my character, of my integrity, and my self-respect- to NOT respond to a booty call or waste time on a meaningless relationship. But I've gone for 30 years with that attitude! Maybe I've had it all WRONG!

You've probably had a booty call or two. What's your take? If you met someone and found out they were biding time with another booty opportunity before they met wonderful you, would you think less of me? ahem. I mean...HER?

* May I just note that my booty caller is apparently, not devoid of feeling. At the minimum, his pride has been damaged. Usually friendly or at least, sheepishly flirtatious, he has barely spoken to me, and I feel just terrible. But shouldn't I be offended that he would even demote me to booty call status? Do I bring it up and pour lemon on his paper cut of a wound? I'm trying to figure out how to ease his pride while remaining out of his bed...

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

judge not the caller of booty!

f*bomb. said...

But isn't the caller of booty judging ME...in thinking I'd be the sort of girl to make out with someone I'm not dating?
That is somewhat unsettling to MY dignity...

ThomCarter.com said...

When I was a younger I was all about the booty call, then when I hit about 25ish I had this thought . . . How would I feel if my EC was out doing this too?

While I admit that part of my dating problem is this idealized Kelly Kapowski, I try to be the man that the type of woman I would want to marry would want to be with (does that make sense?)

So the real question is . . . do you want your future EC out there doing Booty Calls, especially at this point in his life when he should be looking to settle down and not just fooling around with what ever fine piece of tail happens to be around?

f*bomb. said...

If Kelly Kapowski is your ideal, we've got more issues pending than a stupid booty call.

And yes- that's precisely why I don't partake of the random booty. I am hoping there is someone else out there who feels I am worth holding out for in the way that I am waiting for a meaningful relationship with him...Then again- isn't that what I'm reserving sex for? I mean, affection is affection...

caroline said...

i just love your tribe called quest quote. farrah, you had me at "da booty"

Dainon said...

I've been known to succumb to the booty. How bout if it happens several times with the same person? What is it then? Having been on the other end of the call (the temporary tail until her knight showed up and killed it), that wasn't so much fun. I ended up angry and hurt that she treated me the way I was treating her. Isn't that messed up? We were both the temporary pasttime ... neither of us had any thought towards taking it further than it'd gone. Fun while it lasted?

That said, I got a booty e-mail yesterday. Cute, young, completely random ... and I did not partake. It would have been a nice addition to this magical summer, though.

chloe elizabeth said...

I'm with the general consensus. Yes, the booty call is fun. But...I don't want to be that girl. Ever. And I don't want to end up with someone who is that guy.

I believe there's a time and a place for it. But I'm pushing 30 and I feel like that time is past. And, I don't want to end up with a man-boy who lives like he's 22, even though he's closer to 35 than 22.

And, truthfully, I always feel just the slightest bit used after a booty call...even when I was the one using. Strange, but true.

Sarita said...

It seems so juvenile to me. And as far as I can recall, I havent received the booty call/text/email. At least that I know of. Of course I have been known to be somewhat niave in that area. Expecting the best of intentions from everyone. I live in a fantasy world. Of that, I am totally aware.

However, I would understand the inclination to give in to such a solicitation. Sometimes I just want to be loved, even if it is only for pretend. Hard to resist.

Salt H2O said...

A guy thinks your hot and wants to make out with you- can you blame him?

ThomCarter.com said...

The Kelly Kapowski thing is the reason why I have spent a lot of time dating stupid brunetts. I thought they were smart,like Sarah Reeves (from party of 5).

Anyway, never mind . . . I do have problems.

Tannerama said...

Ah the Booty call. I have been booty called a number of times. And partaken almost as many times. And while it is totally awesome, I feel bad afterward. Simply because I tend to think that making out should be a quasi-meaningful thing. Not in a "I'm saving it for marriage - moral high ground" kind of way. But in an "economic inflation" kind of way.

If there is an endless list of girls I have macked on, when I mack on my future girlfriend/EC it doesn't mean as much because I have also made out with that sort of attractive girl that smelled like cigarettes at that one party downtown.

But at the same time, I'm no prude.

caroline said...

i've only done the booty call thing a few times. and they were after post-trauma breakup type things. other than that, i've never really been up for it. if i'm not good enough for you to hang out with in public, i'll keep these luscious lips to myself.

k8 said...

i'm not really into booty calls so much anymore...because i'm old and far pickier about who i want to kiss...but i have no moral objection to them. if both parties understand the situation it can be fun. Sometimes nothing makes you feel more like a sexy desirable woman that a boy who just really, really wants to get his lips on you. A girl needs to feel that now and again.

caroline said...

that's true. i am really truly not opposed to being objectified. in fact, it's quite preferred.

Sarita said...

I really need to feel desirable and sexy right about now.

Tannerama said...

Which is handy since I am in to mood to make out with a random person.

The Dally Llama said...

Call me a prude, but I have two words for a girl who fills the interim between relationships with booty calls: Deal Breaker.

If a girl lacks the insight to know that even though it feels validating to have some dude want her just b/c she's hot, she'll later regret responding to the booty call, and wonder why she so frequently finds herself falling for jerks, then she's probably not anybody I would want to date.

K said...

Like I've said before, my opinion is....that you should TAP THAT. No shame in a booty call every once in a while, especially if it is not your typical M.O. And I don't now believe that hanging out in my ivory tower being pristine and resistant to booty calls for many, many years has brought ANY satisfaction and, at this point, I don't feel noble, just REALLY physically frustrated... Sounds like the general consensus at this point in the commentary is that you should ANSWER THE BOOTY CALL. And get the bonus perk of sensory stimulation in black silk sheets. And feeling like a desired woman. The end.

caroline said...

just because people have succumbed to the lure of a well timed/sneak attack booty call a few times. doesn't mean it's a pathetic pattern in his/her life. sometimes it's just memory replacement, or just because you can. or just because you find the person physically attractive but don't want to return to relationship hell. (sorry i used "just" so many times in that paragraph).

i may not call you a prude (may), but i will call you jugdy.

and as far as girls wanting to be seen as WOMEN who are sexy and alluring rather than pods for your future offspring... yeah, we all want that and it doesn't make us insecure or needy. it makes us girls with hormones. mormon girls have hormones, too. maybe even more than some of you boys.

Rachel said...

This all just makes me a little sick inside. It is not going to satisfy your physical frustrations. (If that is really all this is) It is not a healthy expression of affection to use people for their lips. And the idea that I have always been a good boy or girl and it has got me nowhere is really pretty selfish and short-sighted.

If you think this boy is special (which is sounds like you don't)then go for it. Otherwise, it seems pretty dishonest to me.

If I remember correctly, the booty call text was sent after he got a text from your phone (sent by your friend) that said "I WANT YOU." He was egged on, even if by accident.

Sarita said...

Random Booty Call: usually not a good idea. Especially the random part.

Still, there is so much grey area in every individual situation. I just believe that their should be moderation in all things. There is such a thing as being too prudish, but who's to judge where that line is crossed as well. It lies more in being true to one's self.

That said. I also think that we shouldnt take ourselves so seriously all the time. The romantic in me wants just to be kissed sometimes. It doesnt have to be this forbidden thing. And this coming from a girl who hasnt had the loosest lips this side of the Mississippi by any account.

k8 said...

amen to Sarita. Everyone here is aware we are talking about KISSING right??? not casual sex??? Good grief fellow mormons let's chill the heck out...I'm a 30 year old virgin for crying out loud, I certainly HOPE my future EClikes a good makeout now and then with "Ms. Wow we really have some good chemisty" because I would rather not have "I've repressed my hormones so far I'm not sure we will ever find them again" in my bed come honeymoon night.

This is why sometimes it's so refreshing to date non-LDS guys. "You are waiting until you are married to have sex? That's really cool, I respect that." vs "You've kissed more than 2 boys in 30 years? You will clearly teach our children to be loose harlots as well."

Vanilla Vice said...

Mack on = dated.

Booty Call = judge not, but I don't partake. I just updated the BOOTY CALL CONTRACT for my blog. I like to protect my friends from douche bags that try to manipulate them in the booty calls, so I make sure that they are getting what they need, and they are locked down and protected. A prenup if you will, only for booty.

f*bomb. said...

It's so odd...I valued all this much more when I was younger, but the older I get, the more I wonder how much meaning a kiss can possibly have. It certainly doesn't mean everything to me; but I don't want it to mean nothing, either.

As a woman, I would never do a RANDOM booty-call. It just is not safe and could potentially put you in a bad situation. Use your head.

This situation is different, since we DO know each other, and are (along the fringe) "friends." Friends who have tried dates but have bad timing. As the wonderful Irish guy who tried hooking up with me in Thailand said (although unconvincingly), "A kiss is just an expression of affection. And making out with you would just mean I like you and I appreciate you and I think you're really, really cute." Back then, I didn't do it, because my heart belonged to someone else. But now? I know I'm a woman of integrity. I know my moral standards. I have nothing to prove to anyone. But I still can't help but think it is wrong to use someone for my own desires, without expecting to take care of their heart along the way. The whole act just seems selfish and lacks of faith; not faith in destiny and all that (necessarily) but faith that there is someone out there who I AM compatible with, who will want to kiss me because it really WILL be an expression of admiration and affection.

Yeah. Much as I'd like to "hit that," I think I'll wait to go out with his friend who keeps asking me out on actual dates.

Tannerama said...

By the way, when I said "random" I didn't mean as in call up anybody. Desperation is a stinky cologne. I meant someone unexpected.

Sarita said...

I concur Farrah.

Dainon said...

It's good you guys think so much about this. I don't think guys do. Booty calls are like tattoos ... they just happen. Then again, I don't think I even use the term "booty call" anymore. It seems fairly outdated, don't it?

Tannerama said...

It's better than NCMO. Which is the queerest phrase for a heterosexual activity I have ever heard.

f*bomb. said...

I don't know, Dainon. What DO you call it?...

All's I know is that if a boy calls me after midnight, it likely AIN'T 'coz he's looking to conversate.