Will I walk to cure AIDs? Just once, when I was in high school.
Did I run to save children from cancer? Nah.
Save the local hospital? uhh, NO.
I will run for food.
Saturday's Corona del Mar 5K was run purely for the food. Once you finish the race, you get to graze through a gamut of amazing, delectable food-treats. It goes without saying that any morning jog that ends with a pizza and burritos for breakfast is my kind of race. And while I have never had a desire to run a marathon, I have always wanted to take one of those mile-marker cups of water, dump the rest on my own head, and then crunch it with my amazingly powerful fist and huck it on the ground like I own the street. So that was pretty much the race for me- o, and the parts where I did jumpkicks for the cameras so I could fill Blogg with photos full of self-celebratory glory.
Someone asked me what the furthest I have ever run was. I think maybe it would be about 5 miles- and that's if iPod really gets me going on a Saturday morning, and I feel like I just can't stop my dancin' feet. Other than that, sometimes at the gym I would do around 7 miles, if there was some Law & Order marathon or something. But you people who run for 13 miles? Or 26? Was a wild animal chasing you? Because unless I am in mortal danger, I don't see the point. And even if I DID have something chasing me, let's be honest- I'd probably just lay down and take one for the team. Because, who are we kidding? I'm not gonna outrun something bigger and meaner than me. It's just never gonna happen. So may as well save any shred of dignity I may have and go down as a martyr. At least I won't get all sweaty.
To Gina's Pizza: I am in love with you. Seriously. Let's make babies.
To Islands: Your lime tacos made my morning almost as much as those 3 hot guys I followed around afterward.
To 5 Crowns: I will TOTALLY let someone take me out to have your lemon custard again. WOWZA.
To the men of Corona del Mar: I don't get it. I tried running fast enough so I'd run alongside someone attractive, but I didn't see anyone! Aren't the good-looking, youngbucks of Newport supposed to be at the finishline FIRST? I am so confused. We're only lucky I had tacos to replace my disappointment in you.