What's the Frequency, Kenneth?

I recently commented to a friend (and also to Blogg) that dating frequency often determines the intensity and interest level of a relationship. If someone's seeing me a few times a week, and we spend our weekends together, I figure he's probably interested. If he's only asking me out every few weeks, I call that "going out with my friend to catch up," or "something to do because we don't have anything else going on." But I certainly wouldn't classify it as "dating" or a relationship. And if it's less frequent contact than that, I'm sorry, Sister. He either is just trying to randomly hit that or you are incredibly low on his totem pole of priorities and interests (riiight below stamp collecting). It's this lack of frequency and intensity that suggest to me that you probably shouldn't hold out hope for him anymore.

However, a friend recently said perhaps it is MY thought process that is flawed. (Impossible!) That the frequency which I have become accustomed to is too intense. (What? Me???) Now, I'm no Mr Science, but I find that "chemistry" makes a relationship with someone practically unavoidable, and it's only the few times where I've had such chemistry that I really found myself willing to be in a relationship. But she thinks the openness and immediate depth and connection I consider "chemistry" isn't necessarily healthy. Which will be tragic, since it's that chemistry I rely upon to determine if I'm going to bother spending time with anyone. Not necessarily a physical/sexual chemistry we so commonly label it as, but that connection you feel where you want to know everything they know, and learn about everything they think, and where you can't NOT be with each other, because they become the only person you really want to be around anyway. Where it sets you on fire and inspires you just by understanding their point of view. It's rare, but it's amazing- to meet someone who is a kindred spirit; whose experiences seem to make yours make sense...oops. Was that me being too intense again? Well, if it helps, I find that same kind of connection with my best girl-friends, as well. Let's face it. I have brilliant people in my life.

So maybe I shouldn't ditch out on someone if he only asks me out once a month and there isn't that immediate connection and melding of the minds. It's just that I've heard it said many times that, in Man World, there IS no such thing as "too busy," IF he's actually interested. And I've never been one to "make" a relationship happen. In fact, I believe that much of the turmoil singles report is based upon wishing you could plug someone into your life, and when s/he turns out not to be "the one," rather than feel relief that you haven't hitched your wagon to someone who didn't care enough about you, you're feeling frustrated and upset at a would be "failure."

But if we were really connected, wouldn't we make time for each other? Wouldn't we put forth more effort to prioritize our relationships, IF it were one where there was chemistry and a mutual bond? Wouldn't life be easier if we just accepted one another's friendships a little more readily, but only considered relationships the ones that are chemically unavaidable unions? It seems to me that if he's not putting getting to know me first, that there isn't really a whole lot of a foundation to begin a relationship with anyway, because he was never really that interested to begin with.