Sunday, May 27, 2007

Charmed, I'm Sure.

So what's up with those people who pretend to not know you when you KNOW they know who you are?

I mean, seriously- do you really think you're THAT important, that you can't bear to acknowledge someone you've met before? Now, I admit to being Queen when it comes to lack of observation, both names AND faces seem to escape me- DOUBLE BAD. The only saving grace is that if you remind me of a conversation we've had- a REAL conversation- I will remember it in entirety, word-for-word. Just not necessarily that I had it with you. I digress. We're talking about those people you meet over and over again at parties, in class, at church, and various social settings- but for some reason, they just can't get over themselves enough to just be cordial and acknowledge your prescence. Heaven forbid someone be the first to say hello!

A friend of mine has, admittedly, "one of those faces," where you think you know her, even if you don't. So 80% of the population who meet her, think they somehow know her, even if they don't. And yet, somehow, she consistantly has the same guys playing the game of, "I don't think I know you." FOR YEARS, this goes on. If I were her, I'd ask how he manages to function since the obvious massive head injury. I mean, hell- I freak out and wave to total strangers in public places (usually the grocery store) just because I think I might know them (usually I don't). So how is it that the guy from your class that you had multiple group projects with for two semesters and is friends with your friends still thinks he's fooling anyone by not acknowledging you exist? gee...Was it all really that painful?

Another girlfriend of mine took at least 4 introductions before I recognized her- but each time I remembered who she was, I remembered every single meeting and conversation we'd had over the year of incidental meetings. She ran into a guy she went on a date with, had friends in common with, went hottubbing with...and he was a complete blank when he met her again at a party. Now, that's embarassing, but somewhat understandable. Maybe. But at least he was nice. It's the people who refuse to acknowledge that they even know you. Because, I mean, really, is it sooo difficult to be nice?

Guys like that remind me of why some people hate Morrisey. He's so, "I'm so beautiful and too handsome and popular with the girls- waaaah, I'm such a tortured soul! Whatever shall I wear?!? waaah! My life is SO rough!" (For the record, I love- LOVE- The Smiths.)

What is so damaging to your ego to notice me first? I take a personal affront to such behavior, because, let's be real here: I am a curly-haired, loudmouth, Asian girl in a social sea of cute blondes and predominantly white girls. For me to not recall you right away- well, it's sad, but I can't tell the difference; you all look the same to me. So sometimes I can't remember who is who- but at least I TRY. But for YOU to not recognize ME?!?! Come ON. Who are we kidding here? At LEAST mistake me for some OTHER Asian girl you've met...that happens all the time to my Asian girlfriends. (It's really good for my rep, as my AG's are of impeccable beauty, quality and grace.) Plus, I go out of my way to get to know people. All the time. So the next time someone I've reached out to more than a few times pretends to not know me, I'm gonna punch him in the head. Maybe that will jog his memory.

Trust me. Ignoring people you know is not cool. I can promise you this right now: You are not cool. I'd say most of us are not. We're what- adults who live with roommates and socialize according to church-sponsored activities? Yeah. Hate to break it to you- we're dorks. In fact, it's those who manufacture themselves into popularity that are usually the LEAST cool, since they clearly have no interest in the rest of the world outside of themselves and those they choose to acknowledge. Kind of like the captain of the high school football team who goes to college and get's shaved because everyone can see his glory day ways make him a total douchebag, or the homecoming queen who thought she'd get by on her looks and reputation and grows up to be an overweight receptionist at a go-nowhere job. These people never bothered to develop skills, because they thought glorifying themselves would be enough. It isn't. To pretend like you don't know someone does not give you an air of popularity. It does not make you charming. You will not get away with pretending to be coy. You will look like an arrogant pig. And when I'm done with you, you'll just look like an idiot who got hit by a girl.

As you all return from you lovely vacations, I'd be interested to hear about your social misinteractions with those who think they're too-cool-for-school. Better yet if you can give names, so we may all shun them in future gatherings. SHUN!


K said...

Oh yes, Farrah! I love how you put into words things that most of us are surely experiencing but are just too chicken or too inept to point out. This blog entry reminds me of a certain home teacher I have.... a faithful, supportive, fills-all-his-duties home teacher, who happens to not acknowledge that he knows me or any of my roommates in public. Which was exactly the case at the party on Friday night....which was incredibly ironic and unattractive since he had just been at our house chatting it up, taking out the trash, acting like a BFF, etc. Hmmmm.... do you think you could read this blog from the pulpit next Sunday???

f*bomb. said...

You know, besides basic decency, a lot of this comes down to being a good Christian. Treating one another with respect and love because we understand that we are all brothers and sisters, and knowing that Jesus Christ cares for each of us and we are to treat one another as He would.

In an article I read a few months ago, a woman reported her experience in attending a ward for the mentally handicapped, and her experience was incredible. Everyone was friendly and attentive to everyone else and she was greeted warmly and openly by everyone she came across. When the bishop got up to speak, members of the congregation were vocal in approving and supporting his thoughts and accompanied him with hearty, "Amen"s.

Why is it we can't be more accepting and caring toward one another? I am especially disturbed by the lack of warmth some people may feel when attending their own ward. As if, should we have nothing to gain by knowing them, they aren't worth the trouble of knowing.

We can be so great at fulfilling our obligations and gladhanding the masses, but how can we each improve on reaching through to one another as individuals? If we could do this, not only would we welcome and appreciate others, but they would- in turn- value and surround us as friends. Genuine, real-life, stand-by-your-side, look-you-in-the-eyes, sincerely-caring FRIENDS.

jen said...

I think the girl you met 4 times is me. Seriously...I was in a hottub and had a 5 hour long date with the guy and on multiple occassions afterward he had no idea who I was. unbelievable... btw, when are you going to add me to your bloggers list?

caroline said...

don't hate me farrah, but i'm gonna have to say that sometimes people can be mis-understood. most people think i'm a total snob when they meet me because i'm reserved and maybe a little shy, so i don't interact with new people very much/very well quite like i do with the people i do know. and i remember names and faces and events that most people don't. i remember who i walked home with in 7th grade, the names of people i went to kindergarten with, what my best friend wore on her first date with her ex-boyfriend and what they did. but, no one else remembers those things, so a lot of the time, i don't say, "hey i know you" because i know most people are really bad at those things. yes, some people are too self-absorbed but some are forgetful or are having a bad night/week/year, whatever. i'm just saying for all those people i thought were a-holes, then when i got to know them, realized they were just as reserved as i was and we were both to blame... give us the benefit of the doubt. and for the too cool for school? who cares? people who care that much about being cool are, by definition, NOT COOL.

f*bomb. said...

I could never hate on you, Caro!

Being reserved is totally different. But if someone approached YOU and said, "Hey! I met you last week- what was your name?" or in some way extended themselves to acknowledge your presence, I seriously doubt you would simply turn and walk away. Or continue to avoid eye contact each time they greeted you. Or that you'd pretend to be friends with someone if it somehow benefitted YOU, but ignored them in settings where it where you're the big fish.

In fact- when I first met YOU- it was Julia who remembered me and I had NO CLUE who she was! I assumed she must've been one of my BYU boy's ex-girlfriends from forever ago, and it was totally out-of-context...did I blow you two off as two cute, dumb girls? OF COURSE NOT! I was just as excited to meet you! Why? Well- because she seemed REALLY happy to see me again, and you both seemed really cool and interesting and were up for superhappyfuntimes and even suggested some cool places to go dancing. In fact, when I later tracked you down and confided that I had no idea what Julia's name was, you were so cool about it that I adored you for being so kind and funny about it.
In conclusion- especially to Caroline- being shy is not being rude. Shyness is usually accompanied by deep kindness and understanding, and those of us who listen closely can hear it.

Vanilla Vice said...

I fake knowing people I don't recognize all the time. It's not that big a deal. It's really easy...oh yeah! We talked about dating and that one movie! It was awesome. How's your friends? Are you still seeing that one guy/girl that mistreated you terribly? That pretty much covers the gamet and you're safe.

f*bomb. said...

You don't even have to go THAT far...
You can always just smile and wave from a distance. Or (if they approach you first) use MY trick:
"I'm totally retarded and I don't recall your name! Where did we meet before?"
As far as I know, it makes people feel good that you even tried...Right, Jen?

Kory said...

All time best trick for when you run into someone you don't remember 1- ACT like you do 2- Ask "You know, I can't remember when the last time I saw you was- where was that?"

f*bomb. said...

All very good points, but I would like to redirect attention back to K's opening comment; this is not about forgetfulness or mere shyness- this is about people who will choose to acknowledge you based upon if it reflects favourably to THEM in a particular setting.
In other words: Some two-faced biatch ain't no friend o'yo's!